Puppies!

This post is just because I miss my puppies and was looking at pictures of them. While looking at the pictures, I decided that everyone must see them.


Little dog looking at my brother as he plays Nintendo (Regular Nintendo, nothing fancy for him).


Little dog looking demonic and crazy.


Big dog looking scruffy and cute.

I miss my puppies

Deja vu. . . all over again

So yesterday I was searching for a quote that fit life at the moment.

Richard had noticed that events were cowards: they didn't occur singly, but instead they would run in packs and leap out at him all at once. - Neil Gaiman

I couldn't find it anywhere though. It wasn't in my quote document, and it wasn't on thinkexist. I was confused. I knew I had used it in the past.

Well, it turns out I had. I had used it in a blog over the summer and as I found it and read that blog post, I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Apparently something had set me off that week and I can't remember what it was. Heck, I'll just copy-paste the majority of the post so you all can see what I mean.

Femmes!

I've said it before, and I will say it again - I don't understand women, and I know I never will. I don't think that there is a man in this world who truly understands women and the way their minds work. Oh sure, some guys may know how their wife thinks, but that is one woman. Women as a whole are one confusing bunch.

Now, after reading the above paragraph, many a woman would counter, "Women are easy to understand. Men are the confusing ones." Women may actually believe this argument, but the truth to that argument is that men seem confusing . . . because they are confused. Men don't know how to act around women because women say, do, and think different things. They say one thing, mean another, and think a third, but somehow they expect men to be fully cognizant of what they want.

A classic example is the "Where do you want to eat" dilemma. Most of the time when a man asks, "Hey, where do you want to eat", he will get one of the following responses: "I don't know", "I don't care", or "Oh, it doesn't matter, you pick". Do any of those three things really mean what they seem to mean? NO! They normally mean something more to the effect of "I know exactly where I want to eat, but I want you to prove that you know me and pick the place I want". Every once and a while a woman will be honest and actually say "How about (Insert overpriced eatery here)", and the man involved will internally dance a little happy dance.

Or how about the ever popular "Are you mad" question. Most women have several types of anger that they can express, and the most frustrating of these is the type where they profess to be completely calm, collected, and not in the least perturbed, and all the while they are seething inside about some slight that the man probably doesn't even realize he has committed. As the man remains blissfully unaware of his wrongdoing, the woman continues to allow her anger to build up without expressing it in any way other than to become slightly withdrawn (perhaps with a few surreptitious glares in the man's direction). When confronted about her behavior, the woman continues to deny any anger until finally exploding at the man.

Then there is always the question of what a woman wants in a man. I have heard countless women say that they look for a man who is "Smart, funny, kind" etc. etc. etc. Unfortunately I can count on my hands the number of times I have actually seen a guy who is all the things listed, but not physically very attractive, with one of these women. This is another case of women saying one thing, and their actions saying another. Far too many women date guys based solely on physical appearance, and then when the guys turns out to be an ass, complain that men are all jerks. A great many men are not jerks, but we are looked over because women are as shallow and hormonal as men (they just don't like to admit it).

Due to these - and other - situations, men have learned think things through and tread carefully around women at times, but these are not the main cause of stress between the sexes. In my opinion, the one situation which has caused more stress between men and women than anything else is the question of honesty.

Most men like to be honest about things. If a buddy is doing something stupid, men point it out. If a guy is wearing a hat that makes him look like a moron, his friends will point it out and tell him not to wear it.

Women claim to love honesty, but at times they prefer to be lied to. "How do I look?", "Does this dress make me look fat?", etc. . . . why do you ask these questions if you don't want us to be honest? If any man ever answered either of those questions with a "Sorry honey, that dress does not flatter your figure at all. Maybe you should wear that other one" he would not only be sleeping on the couch for the next week, but he would probably have a few things thrown at his head.

The question of honesty also comes into play when a guy has feelings for a woman. If a guy just comes out and says how he feels, he risks several possible complications. First, he could say it at the wrong time and make the woman upset and uncomfortable. Second, she may have no feelings for him whatsoever, in which case he has probably just flushed a friendship down the toilet by being honest. Third (and in some guys' cases most likely) he can get the always popular "I don't like you in that way", the "I don't know how to respond to that", the classic "You aren't boyfriend material", or my personal favorite "You are just too nice, and I don't want to ruin our friendship".

Of course, if he keeps these feelings in when she wants him to say them, then she can become upset that he is too closed up emotionally. Maybe, while he is wrestling with whether or not he should say anything (probably for fear of one of the above complications), she will decide that he doesn't have any feelings for him, not tell him, and just move on to one of the shallow pretty-boy asshats talked about a few paragraphs ago.

So, with all these confusing possibilities and complications fouling out male-female interactions, men muddle on slowly and confused. Do they tell the truth this time, or is this a case where the truth will get you slapped? Does she really not want to talk about what is wrong, or does she want you to just automatically know what is wrong and apoligize for it? Graaaaaah!!!

From now on, I just want everyone to be honest with me. If you want to say something, say it. Please don't hold back (except for you Mike and BJ . . . I don't even want to know what Mike is thinking, and I already know what BJ is thinking). Just cut through all the bullshit and come out with it already people.

That just makes me laugh.

Emotional Honesty

“Could you imagine how horrible things would be if we always told others how we felt? Life would be intolerably bearable.” – Randy K. Milholland

That is my thought for the day. I don’t really know why, but it just seems to fit. Humans as a species are idiots. They hide everything they feel from one another for fear that they will get hurt. They lock up all their emotions inside and show the world a carefully constructed façade in an attempt to avoid hurting.

Then, when we do finally get up the courage to risk exposing ourselves to the world, most people still don’t do it in a straightforward way. They play little games and make sly comments in which they think they are dropping hints about things. The thing is, because we all know that everyone hides their feelings, most people don’t catch on to the hints because they assume that nobody will actually reveal their feelings. Then, because they miss the hints and signals, the people dropping the hints get upset with them. This leads to confusion, anger, and plain ol’ confusion.

Now sure, when you tell someone how you feel, you are exposing yourself to them. At that point you are reaching into your chest, removing your heart, and holding in your outstretched palm. Any number of things can happen at this point. They can respond by taking out their heart in return, or they could laugh gleefully as they throw your heart to the floor and begin jumping on it. Sure, it can hurt like hell, and the pain might not go away for a good long while, but at the same time, keeping that kind of thing inside is what has led our society to the state it is currently in.

Look around our country today and you will find that the entire population is in some state of denial about their own feelings. Nobody is completely open with anyone. Everybody has some kind of secret feelings that they don’t expose.

So here is my challenge to myself and anyone reading this. Be honest with everyone in your life. Tell people how you feel about them. If it screws things up, at least you now know and can move on with life. Don’t pussyfoot around people anymore. If you don’t like someone, don’t pretend to be nice to them when they are around and then turn around and bitch about them when they leave. If you love someone, tell them that you love them. If someone has kept you sane when you would have otherwise killed someone or yourself, sit them down and let them know that they have helped you. Don’t keep things inside to fester. That kind of thing is never good for anyone.

“Don't do anything by half. If you love someone, love them with all your soul. When you go to work, work your ass off. When you hate someone, hate them until it hurts.” – Henry Rollins

If you have a friend worth loving,
Love him. Yes, and let him know
That you love him, ere life’s evening
Tinge his brow with sunset glow.
Why should good words ne’er be said
Of a friend till he is dead?
- Daniel W. Hoyt

“Live this day as if it will be your last. Remember that you will only find ''tomorrow'' on the calendars of fools. Forget yesterday's defeats and ignore the problems of tomorrow. This is it. Doomsday. All you have. Make it the best day of your year. The saddest words you can ever utter are, ''If I had my life to live over again. ''Take the baton, now. Run with it! This is your day! Beginning today, treat everyone you meet, friend or foe, loved one or stranger, as if they were going to be dead at midnight. Extend to each person, no matter how trivial the contact, all the care and kindness and understanding and love that you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again.” – Og Mandino

“Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.” - Pope Paul VI

“If you had one phone call to make before you died, who would you call, what would you say, and why are you WAITING?!”

“The most human thing we have to do in life is to learn to speak our honest convictions and feelings and live with the consequences. This is the first requirement of love, and it makes us vulnerable to other people who may ridicule us. But our vulnerability is the only thing we can give to other people.” – Leo F. Buscaglia

Takes my breath away - just like a suckerpunch

Oh me. . .

This week soundly kicked my ass. Starting last Friday night/Saturday morning, I spent six nights up until at least 6am. Was this by choice? Well, Friday and Saturday were, but the nights from Sunday on were just my insomnia being a bitch. Coupled with this was a recurring dream.

Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while may remember this post from June about some dreams I had. If you haven’t read it or don’t remember it, read it, or the rest of this post probably won’t make much sense.

Here is where things get weird. What I say from here on only three other people know about before this.

I had mostly forgotten about the dream by the time I got back to college in August (mostly meaning everything except for that face. . . *Starts humming “That Face” from The Producers*). Then I started meeting and hanging out with some of the new students, and guess what happened? I saw her. At first I thought, “Nah, can’t be her, my eyes are just playing tricks on me”, but the next time I saw her I realized that this was indeed the face from my dream. I jokingly told one of my friends about it, but I was shocked and confused. How did I have a dream about her 3 months before I met her? I shrugged it off and got to know her.

That was where I thought the weirdness from the dream would end. I thought that I could just forget about the dream. If something happened, something happened. If we ended up being friends, we ended up being friends. That was all I thought would happen. Then, in mid-November I started having the dream again.

It was the same dream with one slight difference. Instead of shifting through multiple faces, the woman in the dream had the same beautiful face throughout the dream. The first time, I just thought it was my subconscious playing a joke on me and ignored it. By the fifth time, I knew something weird was going on. Now, I have quit keeping track of how many times I have had it.

Over the past six nights, I have had the dream four times. It is getting ridiculous. Part of me wants to tell her about it, but at the same time, I can’t help but think that it is just plain creepy. I mean, how can you tell someone that you had a dream about them three months before you met them? How can you then go on to tell them that in the dream, the two of you were married and she was giving birth? I mean sure, I can refer to the blog post and show her what I said about her in it, but I still think it would be the height of creepiness.

Oh me. . .

2006

Disclaimer: This is going to be an extremely long post. If you don’t feel like having a recap of 2006 from my perspective, shuffle along and find something else to read.

2006. . . What a year you have been. A year of ups and downs. A year of triumphs and failures. On the surface, 2006 seems like any other year, but it was unique. Things happened in 2006 that haven’t happened before, both on the individual level and the global level. Let’s look into the year as a whole.

Events of 2006 –

January 25 - Hamas wins the majority of seats in the Palestinian Legislative Council elections.

January 31 - Samuel Alito is sworn in as an associate justice of the Supreme Court of the United States.

February 10 - The 2006 Winter Olympics open in Turin, Italy. The closing ceremony occurs on February 26.

February 11 - U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shoots his friend and lawyer, Harry Whittington, in the face with a shotgun on a south Texas ranch.

March 17 - The United States, the last nation in the world to have battleships in a reserve fleet, strikes its 2 remaining Iowa-class battleships from the Naval Vessel Register, ending the age of the battleship.

April 11 - President of Iran Mahmoud Ahmadinejad confirms that Iran has successfully produced a few grams of 3.5% low-grade enriched uranium.

April 20 - Iran announces a uranium enrichment deal with Russia, involving a joint uranium enrichment firm on Russian soil; 9 days later Iran announces that it will not move all activity to Russia, thus leading to a de-facto termination of the deal.

April - A jury deliberates over the sentence of convicted terrorist Zacarias Moussaoui, finally sentenced to life in prison May 3.

May 28 - President Alvaro Uribe Velez is re-elected in Colombia for a second term. He becomes the first president in over a century to serve consecutive terms.

June 7 - Al-Qaeda in Iraq leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and 7 of his aides are killed in a U.S. air raid just north of the town of Baqouba, Iraq.

June 29 - Hamdan v. Rumsfeld: The United States Supreme Court rules that the military commissions to be used to try some detainees in the Guantanamo Bay detainment camp are illegal.

July 5 - North Korea test fires at least 7 missiles including a long-range Taepodong-2.

July 31 - Fidel Castro, President of Cuba, temporarily relinquishes power to his brother Raúl before surgery.

August 31 - Edvard Munch paintings The Scream and Madonna are recovered in a police raid in Oslo, Norway.

September 11 - Walt Disney Pictures's Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest becomes the third and fastest film in Hollywood history to reach the billion dollar worldwide box office mark with $1,004,100,000.

September 13 - The solar system's largest dwarf planet, designated until now as 2003 UB313, is officially named "Eris"; its satellite is now known as "Dysnomia".

September 29 - U.S. Representative Mark Foley (R-FL) resigns after it is revealed that he sent explicit e-mails for several years to underage male pages.

October 9 - North Korea claims to have conducted its first ever nuclear test

October 10 - Google buys YouTube for USD $1.65 billion

October 15 - The UN agrees to sanction North Korea over nuclear testing issue.

October 19 - On the 19th anniversary of the 1987 stock market crash, the Dow Jones Industrial Average closed above 12,000 for the first time gaining 19.05 points, or 0.16%, to 12,011.73.

October 30 - Former Chilean Dictator Augusto Pinochet is placed under house arrest for crimes committed at the Villa Grimaldi detention centre where thousands were tortured between 1974 and 1977.

October 31 - Veteran Game Show host Bob Barker announces his retirement from The Price is Right in June 2007 after 35 years as host and after 50 years on television.

October 31 - A comment by US senator John Kerry causes a stir after accidentally insulting the intelligence of American troops in Iraq. He explained that he botched a joke meant to insult the intelligence of President George W. Bush, and later apologized to anyone offended by his comment.

November 5 - Former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein and 2 of his senior allies are sentenced to death by hanging after an Iraqi court finds them guilty of crimes against humanity.

November 6 – 50th anniversary of Republican incumbent Dwight D. Eisenhower’s re-election by defeating Democrat challenger Adlai E. Stevenson in a rematch of their contest four years earlier.

November 7 - U.S. Midterm elections: Democrats win control of both houses of Congress for the first time since 1994.

November 7 - In the U.S. congressional elections, Minnesota Democrat Keith Ellison becomes the first Muslim elected to the House of Representatives.

November 8 - U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld resigns; President Bush nominates Robert Gates, a former CIA director, as his replacement. Gates is then confirmed by the U.S. Senate and sworn in on December 18.

November 20 - Iran and Syria recognize the government of Iraq, restore diplomatic relations, and call for a peace conference.

December 15 - An alleged assassination attempt on the Palestinian prime minister Ismail Haniyeh sparks inter-Palestinian clashes.

December 25 – James Brown dies.

December 26 - Gerald Ford, 38th President of the United States dies.

December 30 - Saddam Hussein, former Iraq president, is executed in Baghdad.

----

Whew! Now that was a year.

2006 was also a year of quotes. Here are a some of the more memorable from the year –

The old man looks like he wants to give someone the shocker. – JJK while watching “The Stand”. . . he even did the hand motion.

Girls make my head hurt. If they didn't have boobs, smell nice, feel good, and look so god damn sexy, I wouldn't have anything to do with them. – Roger “Jelly” Spitler

Oh Jesus. . . not me, the other Jesus – Roxie
Yes? – Me
No, not you, the other one. The original one. The godfather of all Jesuses. – Roxie

Jesus was nice every day of the week – Heather
Not on Saturday. Jesus was a bastard on Saturdays. – Me

"Wow. . . that is the first time I have ever been turned on by a Chipmunks song." -BJ
"I was just thinking the exact same thing my friend." -Me

If you didn’t struggle, it wouldn’t hurt. – Kid Pious

That was the best bug polymorphed into human on robot action ever. And if bugs weren’t meant to be polymorphed into humans and have sex with intelligent robots, I don’t want to be right. – BJ

Dude, you know zombies give great cunnilingus. You know, they are going for the brains, but they are totally in the wrong place, and they are totally going at it. – BJ

I must be an acquired taste. But that’s ok. I’ll just make people grow to like me, like pond scum. - Heather

Double the cum, double the fun. - Heather

Just fuck the bitch…
(Two minutes later) You’re not even allowed to screw her anymore. - Heather

It’s hot. I mean I think I have butt sweat. – Heather
Yeah George! Way to get a hug from the chick with swamp ass. That’s hot. – BJ
It’s not swamp ass if it isn’t in the crack! – Heather

What if she was a twenty-two year old good nympho who pleased your member up one side and down the other? Would you have broken up with her then? And yes I did say “pleased your member up one side and down the other”. - Heather

It’s better because you can talk with it in your mouth. I can talk with just about anything in my mouth, believe you me. - Heather

All the pleasure half the size. – Heather (In reference to a sucker.)

This is why I don’t feel bad about doing your mom in the ass. – BJ to Mike

Yeah, sorry Mike. I fucked your mom in the wrong hole. – BJ to Mike

Oh yeah, I just became so ravenous for the wang that I needed to rip your underwear off. - Natasha

Come on, you know Mike has a really needy wang… “Tell me I’m pretty. Why don’t you ever call me any more?” – BJ to Mike

He’s so big. It’s like fighting a black man’s wang. – BJ while playing Super Smash Brothers Melee

“George, will you get in my mouth already?!” – BJ to George while playing Super Smash Brothers Melee

I'm not sure you understand the power of my monkey lust right now. – BJ (Talking about Chunky Monkey Ice Cream)

BJ NO! What have we talked about? – Mike
No sticking things you own in my crotch… - BJ
And what did you do? – Mike
Stuck something you owned I my crotch. – BJ

“So Jesus was the first zombie.” – Sarah
“Wait, what about Lazarus?” – BJ
“So Lazarus bit Jesus.” – Mike
“So Lazarus started the Jesus AIDS, and Jesus AIDS are secretly Zombie-ism. Ipso facto Jesus was great at eating girls out! Mary Magdalene was the happiest woman in the history of the world!” – BJ

“See, it is like B is over here sucking on my left ball, and J is over here sucking on my right ball. So B and J are just sucking both my balls.” – Mike explaining to BJ how BJ can suck both his balls.

This is like football gay, not real gay. - Phil

YES! SPREAD THE MONKEY SPANKING! – Me (Talking to Roxie about an online game. . . I swear)

“Whenever someone tells me that they have burned all their bridges, I look at them and tell them truthfully that I don’t build bridges that burn. Every bridge I have ever built to a friend’s heart has been made of stone. I don’t allow a few words or actions to destroy a relationship built on many many good experiences.” – Me

“Whenever life seems to suck and nothing is going your way, do what I do. Think ahead and ask yourself, ‘Are these things going to matter to me in 1 year? 5 years? 10?’ If the answer to any of those questions is no, then let it go. Don’t let the little things get you down.” – Me

"A true friend is like the sound of your footsteps; always with you, through light and dark, in silence when there is no one else, and in a crowd even when you can’t hear them. When things are soft and comfortable you may not notice the sound of your footsteps, but when things get hard, that is when you notice that the sound of your footsteps is always there keeping time with you.” – Me

"You know that guy who always has a smile on his face. The guy who is there to lift his friends up when they are sad. The one who makes you smile even when you are mad at everyone and everything including him. The guy who, even when life seems to suck for him, is happy and does his best to make sure everyone else is happy. That is who I want to be remembered as. I want to be remembered as the guy who could brighten up everyone else's days even when he couldn't brighten up his own." – Me

Beauty is a personal concept. One man may find beauty in a sunset, and another in a flower. Society may say, “This is what is beautiful, and everything else is ugly”, but I don’t care about what society sees. I care about what I see, and when I look at you I see beauty. - Me

Beauty has power over us. We can't control it. We can be aware of it and try to reduce the effect, but we can't control it - Mark Seely

What is it about beauty that affects me so? One look at lovely eyes and my mouth stops working right. One glimpse of a beautiful smile and my brain shuts down. In the face of beauty I am reduced to simplistic small talk and weakly witty banter… and I think it is one of the greatest feelings in the world. – Me

When a man is thinking about matters of the heart, the most common expression on his face will be one of confusion. – Me

----

Yeah, that last one really expresses a lot recently, but before I get into that, I want to go ahead and post up a few new quotes from 2007 (I already have some. . . and wow. . . just wow.) -

“Oh God! I’m gonna be a college slut!” – Catherine

“Have you seen any old pictures of his mom? She was so cockworthy dude!” – Scott

“I just fucking broke a nail.” – Scott

“I LOVE GEORGE!” – Catherine

“You guys got the penis thing.” – Ben

“No damnit! I am not going to wear your man-thong with a tape measure on it. Put it down Will. . . DAMNIT! Don’t try to put that thing on my head!” – Me

-----

That is what I get for hanging out with my former coworkers at 1am on January 1.

Next, I’d like to say a few things about some people who have made a difference in my life this past year. I won’t say who most of these people are, but if you know me, you can probably figure out who they are. (Note, these are in a random order . . . but somehow the person who assisted in making them random ended up last) –

1. I only really got to know you in the past year. We’ve had a few rough patches, but overall I think we are good friends and there are no hard feelings. No matter how many times you tell me that you owe me for the things I have done for you, I am going to insist that you don’t. Friends help each other out when they need it, and your insanity has kept me sane when I would have broken down. Just being you is repayment enough you Stupid Crazy Fool.

2. Until this past month I hadn’t seen you in three and a half years. You haven’t really changed, but at the same time you are a completely different person. I know you don’t read this, but I know that you know I really appreciate what you do for the country, no matter how much it pisses you off.

3. You . . . oh you. You are another person I only got to know over 2006, but I wouldn’t trade our friendship for the world. You are an amazing person, and just talking to you brightens my day. You have to go through more shit than anyone should, but somehow you still manage to muck through. Always know that you have friends who are here for you, because you are always here for us. One thing though – Get some self-confidence girl.

4. We don’t talk as much as we should. Random IM snippets or Blog comments really aren’t sufficient. Our philosophical conversations are one of the few things I really miss about High School (that and all of us goofing around during music events are about it). Sitting around debating the meanings of the universe is something I love doing, but don’t do anymore for some reason. We need to find some way to start those conversations back up. I know you read this periodically, so I will make sure to let you know if anything is going on here at SJC that you might want to come see (like hopefully me in Chicago).

5. You’ve always been here for me, and I love you to death. You are one of the few people in this world I feel safe actually talking to about anything. I’m sorry I’m not home more often and even more sorry that I am normally ensconced at my computer when we are both home. I’ve somewhat changed that this break, and I hope to spend quite a bit more time just hanging out with you before I head back to campus.

6. Wonder nerd powers activate! Form of – two friends who are too much alike! In you I have found someone whose nerdiness rivals (and in some areas surpasses) my own. Being able to make jokes about quantum particles, quote cartoons by heart, and randomly break into song and always knowing that there is someone around who will probably join in my randomness is always comforting.

7. As always you have been my inspiration. You have had the hardest life I can imagine, yet you are never sad. You live with constant hardship. Even walking is difficult for you, but you never complain. You are somehow the happiest person I know, and you have the ability to make any and everyone around you happy. I don’t know how you do it little bro’, but keep it up.

8. In you I have found two things. First, someone I can talk to both on and offline. I have a hard time having a fifteen minute online conversation with most people, but somehow we have managed to have not just one, but multiple online conversations lasting in excess of 4 hours. Second, a member of the opposite sex I don’t feel odd around when I reveal my nerdiness. Hell, in one aspect of nerdiness I am positive you beat me anyway.

9. You are my role model. If I can somehow find a way to become half the man you are, find a wife who loves me half as much as yours does, and manage to raise a family while dealing with the shit you deal with at work, the constant pain from you neck, and the other health problems you have. . . if I can find a way to manage to have a life even half as good as the one you have created for yourself and your family I will count myself as an incredibly lucky guy. I love you and I am proud to call you Dad.

10. As we said to each other in a conversation right before I wrote this post, “Go team nerd!” Between you and person 6, I know that any nerdy thing I think or say is not unique to me. I know that there is someone I can talk to about it. Heck I think we reached the height of nerd-dom earlier this afternoon, and it was tons of fun. You just need to get some books so I can borrow some from you for a change.

----

Now to the topic I had the most trouble thinking about – Things I Learned in 2006. It isn’t that I didn’t learn things, because I did. It is just that I can’t think of very many things to list in this that aren’t cynical or downright depressing. Here goes though –

- Sometimes death isn’t something to be mourned, but rather it can be something to be accepted.

- Sometimes you can just be friends, and in doing so make some of the best friends you have ever had.

- Even if you have been having prophetic dreams for 20 years, don't trust dreams involving beautiful women. Sure, you may meet those women, but it will then turn out that God was just fucking with you again.

- Having a sentient computer can really suck when it decides to be exceedingly cruel and play certain songs over and over again.

- Nice guys don’t finish last. No, to the contrary, they don’t even get out of the starting gate because there is a sniper positioned to take them out early on.

- God has a hidden pair of arms. He uses these when you give him a double high five to sucker punch you in the stomach.

- I am apparently marriage material, but not boyfriend material.

- BJ looks more natural in an adorable pink dress than in his ordinary attire.

- Mike's physical repulsiveness is apparently not genetic.

- I have a problem expressing how I truly feel to people, and it stems from years of rejection and loneliness.

- Not everyone has the same notions about what a friend is.

- I talk too much when I have been drinking.

- Sometimes it is just easier and less painful to just stop giving a crap.

- I cannot be an actual asshole. I can make some pretty mean comments sometimes, but then I feel bad and have to make it up to the person. I am nice guy and I can’t get around it.

- House M.D. is one of the greatest television masterpieces ever created.

- No matter what you think, or what everyone is telling you, there is no such thing as a sure thing, so you should never take something for granted and expect it to happen. That just leads to more pain in the long run.

----

Now I want to put up a quote and a song for the year. This is difficult for me. There are so many that fit so well.

For the quote, I am going to have to go with one of my favorite quotes ever:

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” – Neil Gaiman

Now, this quote is somewhat sarcastic. It is a comment on what love can do to a person. The thing that Gaiman is saying he hates isn’t really love itself, but what love can do to you if it doesn’t work out.

For a song, I was torn, so I am going to have to go with two songs. First is one that just seems apt. Here’s “Nice Guys Finish Last” by Green Day:

Nice guys finish last
You're running out of gas
Your sympathy will get you left behind
Sometimes you're at your best, when you feel the worst
Do you feel washed up like piss going down the drain

Pressure cooker pick my brain and tell me I'm insane
I'm so fucking happy I could cry
Every joke can have its truth but now the joke's on you
I never knew you were such a funny guy

Oh nice guys finish last, when you run out of gas,
Don't pat yourself on the back, you might break your spine

Living on command
You're shaking lots of hands
You’re kissing up and bleeding all your trust
taking what you need
Bite the hand that feeds
You lose your memory
and you got no shame

Pressure cooker pick my brain and tell me I'm insane
I'm so fucking happy I could cry
Every joke can have its truth but now the joke's on you
I never knew you were such a funny guy

Oh nice guys finish last, when you run out of gas,
Don't pat yourself on the back, you might break your spine

The next song is just my feelings lately. It reflects my current feelings better than I can. Here’s “It Ends Tonight” by The All-American Rejects:

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such distain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight, Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

Well, so that is what I have to say about 2006. Hopefully 2007 ends up better than 2006 seems to have for me. I'm not sure if I am going to make any kind of resolution for myself. If I end up making one, I will be sure to post something about it.

Here we go...

This is just going to be a short little post.

I am probably going to be extremely scarce online the next few days. This weekend is going to be just plain crazy. Saturday my grandparents are coming up from Decatur and my aunt and uncle are coming down from Wisconsin. Unfortunately, my grandparents don't like driving if they think the weather is "bad" (read "any rain, snow, or wind above around 5 mph"), so I might end up having to drive down to Decatur at 7 or so in the morning to pick them up and bring them here. Then I would have to drive them back that evening.

Sunday, my aunt and uncle from Wisconsin are sticking around and my aunt and uncle from Farmer City are coming up. This means my house is going to be overrun with cousins all weekend. Luckily most of them are at least 12 or so now, so the craziness level might be subdued some.

Monday, I will be awoken by my brother at probably 5am or so and then get dragged downstairs to open presents. Luckily that means I will have my Wii from then on. . . so that is another reason for me to be offline.

I might get online some every night just to chat and check e-mails, but I probably won't be online during the day (like I have been) until Wednesday or Thursday.

Merry Christmas to all. . .

Tiny Tim: And God Bless Us, Everyone!

Me: How the hell did you get onto my blog?

Tiny Tim: Christmas miracle?

*George then proceeds to beat the most annoying Christmas character ever with his own crutch.*


MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

Is this even a blog anymore? Or should I just go look for a Publisher?

Ok, before I get into the main body of this post I have to say something about my last post. . . DAMN! I really can be an ass when I feel like it. (and a little voice in my head says, “Yes. Embrace the hatred. Embrace the Dark Side”, or at least it does until I quash it.) I was in a very bad mood when I wrote that post, and it shows. I know I made at least one person mad (and she has already yelled at me about it), but at the time we were talking I didn’t really understand why she was so mad about it. Looking back and reading it now, I realize why. I may have made a few valid points in it, but I was a real jackass about it and didn’t fully explain myself. This whole thing brings to mind a quote:

“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.” – Dr. Laurence J. Peter

And oh boy is that quote ever right. Let me fully explain what I was meaning when I wrote that last post, because the way it looks now. . . well it just looks like I am decrying the whole idea of the “Apples” thing, and that is not what was meant by it.

When I first read the apples quote, my first thought was that it figured that women were pawning off all the blame on men. I am not saying that men are blameless. When looked at using generalities, the quote seems extremely valid and without straining myself I can name countless guys who indeed are exactly like the guys illustrated in the quote. I just don’t like the idea that women are held completely blameless in the whole idea. In the role of an apple, the woman has no say in the matters, and is held aloof. When using the apple to represent the woman, we take away any human actions or responsibilities. They are an inanimate object that is just hanging on a tree branch, while guys are the ones who have to make all the decisions and actions. I think perhaps a better metaphor needs to be found, but I can’t think of one at the moment (Oh, great. I can see another post coming).

The whole situation was further complicated earlier this evening when I was talking with my dad. I warn you now that I am going to compare apples and oranges (literally). I grabbed a couple of oranges out of the fridge and tossed him one and he asked me which drawer I got them out of. Apparently there are two different types of oranges in our fridge and he doesn’t like one of them. That got me to thinking. Maybe one of the problems that guys have is that they go after the wrong kind of apple. Maybe we are barking up the wrong tree. Perhaps we should be going after Granny Smith apples, but we have been going for Red Delicious. Hmmmm, more things to think on.

Now on to the original reason for this post.

----------

This part of the post will pertain to another conversation I have been having lately (Seems like half my posts are started this way nowadays). The last post inspired by a conversation was about communication between men and women, and I guess this post is somewhat similar in origin.

The main point of this post came from a question I asked a while back: “Why do women have a hard time believing and accepting it when I guy tells her she is beautiful?”

This question came up while we were talking about her insecurities, which I am not going to get into right now (all I am saying is that I still say she is wrong about them).

Her response to the question was thus:

“The reason we don't think we're beautiful is because society has told us since childhood that we're not. They say the only way we can be beautiful is if we buy these clothes, wear this makeup, and worship these airbrushed celebrities.”

I know that arguing against that kind of thing is like bashing my head against a brick wall, but what can I say, I am an argument masochist. So I tried. I made comments about how, while mass beauty is labeled by society, individuals are eventually the ones responsible for their views on beauty. None of it worked though. Eventually I just gave up on that side of the argument for the moment. Instead I turned to trying to find how a guy can be believed when he is trying to say something of that sort and was given the following response:

"So if a guy wants to tell a girl she's beautiful, he shouldn't start by saying that she is beautiful. That's a very daunting statement. He should start smaller. He should say that she has beautiful eyes, or something. She'll believe it if he compliments a specific feature. Then he can gradually start to go larger and larger until she's comfortable hearing that her complete package is beautiful."

Once again, I knew that trying to argue about this would be the equivalent of banging my head on a brick wall, but I continued. . . to no avail. Eventually I got bored of running in circles (there was a circular brick wall I was running around to keep the head banging up) and decided to post the comments on a Facebook group to get some feedback.

There was a general consensus on the Facebook group that:

A. Women are (generally) insecure and because they see their flaws they don’t understand how others can think they are beautiful because of the flaws.

B. Because there are a lot of guys who will say things like “You are beautiful” as a way to get into girls’ pants, it is hard for a woman to just accept it (unless she knows the guy well enough to trust that his motivation is pure, in which case she should accept it).

C. No matter how often she is told by people she is beautiful, a woman won’t believe it unless she thinks she is beautiful.

Disheartened by this, I returned to thinking about it myself. How could I reconcile the comments I had gotten from people with my personal beliefs? How could I come up with a concise statement detailing how I felt? The only thing I could think of right off was the old adage “beauty is in the eye of the beholder", but that didn’t really say all that I wanted to say. I couldn’t think of anything else at the moment, so I started looking for a quote to detail how I felt.

I found a few:

I only hope she knows she is beautiful inside and out. If not, maybe she can borrow my eyes for a night.

I have seen sunsets, sunrises, blue oceans, deep seas, lush forests, dense jungles, but nothing - not even these - could compare to the beauty that lies before me.

I'm sitting here thinking about your beauty, but no words come to mind. Then I realize that no words could ever come close to the beauty I see in you.

I don't care what you're wearing, or how much make-up you have on or don't have on; it's just you that makes you so beautiful.

When a guy calls you hot, he's looking at your body. When he says you're pretty, he's looking at your face. But, when a guy tells you that you're beautiful, he's looking at your heart.

The mirror doesn't show what you truly are but what you believe.

I even found one I had written down from Professor Seely:

Beauty has power over us. We can't control it. We can be aware of it and try to reduce the effect, but we can't control it - Mark Seely

Now, those are all great quotes, but none of them really said what I wanted to convey. Eventually I thought up a personal statement that fit what I was thinking at the moment:

Beauty is a personal concept. One man may find beauty in a sunset, and another in a flower. Society may say, “This is what is beautiful, and everything else is ugly”, but I don’t care about what society sees. I care about what I see, and when I look at you I see beauty. - Me

So there you have it folks. That is my statement on Beauty. Beauty is personal. Beauty is individual. Beauty may be roughly defined by society, but it is the individual who actually decides what they find beautiful. So ladies, next time you are called beautiful, don’t think “But I don’t look like (insert Hollywood celeb here)”. Instead, think “Wow, this person finds me beautiful” and take it as a genuine compliment.

Apples to Apples

GEORGE SMASH!!!!

Ok, now that I have that out of my system, I would like to thank whoever came up with the moronic “Girls are like apples” thing. Not only have girls been using it for months now to justify why they are alone when there are plenty of good guys around (It is our fault, not theirs. We are just apparently too scared to climb.), but I have now had a guy send me an e-mail about it.

For those of you who don’t know what I mean by the “Girls are like apples” thing, I have a nice little image of it –
(And for the extremely lazy among us, I will post a text version of it. I personally like the text version better because it doesn’t mess with the spelling of words to fill out the tree form.)

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

First I am going to talk about what this e-mail I got said, and then I am going to get into my response to the e-mail and then the quote in general.

The e-mail I got said –

“George, I just saw this and realized how true it was. I know that I was scared to ask out my girlfriend, but once I sucked it up and did it I became happier than I have ever been. I think that every guy out there just needs to get the balls to climb up the tree and grab his apple.”

My response was as follows –

“Thank you so much for that. I never knew that was my problem. I just haven’t been trying hard enough. I am too much of a fucking pansy apparently. Just don’t seem to have any balls according to you. I guess all those rejections I got from the ‘best apples’ were just because they thought I hadn't climbed well enough for them.

I understand that you have had a girlfriend for three years, but for the sake of every single guy alive, don’t take all the blame for every relationship problem a girl has ever had and put it on our shoulders. Ok? Thanks."

Now here’s my response to the quote. Sure, women are like apples, and the apples at the top of the tree are beautiful. The thing is, there are some guys who have climbed the tree multiple times in the past. We gather up our courage and struggle up the tree. We use whatever handholds we find - at times having to make our own handholds if we can’t find any – and climb up to the top of the tree. Once we get there, we find the beautiful apple we were climbing for and think we have reached our goal. It is only then we find that apparently we aren’t good enough for that apple and get laughed at and pushed out of the tree. Do any of you have any idea how much that fall hurts – to go from the highest heights and plummet to the ground, seeming to hit every branch of the tree along the way? Well, I can tell you from experience that it isn’t a fun thing.

So ladies, while it is true that there are some guys who aren’t willing to work for the beautiful apples at the top of the tree, you have to take responsibility for your own actions. There are plenty of guys who are willing to do the work and climb as high as they can in the tree, but they aren’t the guys the apples want climbing up. Thus, the apples either ignore them or kick them out of the tree and then resume their lonely vigils; all the while complaining that there aren’t any guys who are brave enough to climb and pick them.

Skirmishes in the "Battle of the Sexes"

Lately a friend and I have been talking a lot about how men and women communicate. Neither of us can understand the other sex, and no matter how much we try explaining it to one another, confusion reigns supreme as always. Of course, this has gotten me to thinking more and more about the subject. Then, lo and behold, one of my buddies from high school posts on his blog a post about that exact issue. (Love ya Newman.)

*Waits for laughter, snide comments, and such to die down.*

Yes, yes, yes, I said “Love ya” when talking about a guy. Please keep the snickering to a minimum… you know who you are. Now back to the topic at hand.

Over the past couple weeks I have heard from various friends (both male and female) “George! Why are (the opposite sex) so damned confusing?” or “Why can’t guys/girls just say/do what they mean?” The truth is that I have no idea. I would like to think that I am a straightforward and easy to understand guy, but I don’t know. Maybe what I find to be straightforward and honest is confusing to some people. I hope not, but you never know.

In talking with my friend, I came up with a few thoughts and ideas. First, the subject of men and women communicating has been a topic of discussion, argument, and thought for as long as humans have had language, and yet we still don't understand the full complexities of the opposite sex. Funnily enough, I don't know whether it is sad or amazing. I don't think any man has ever fully understood any woman (or vise versa), yet somehow the human race has gone on. Somehow through the confusion of our mixed up and crazy communication patterns, people still find a way to fall in love and live out their lives with people they don't truly understand. I don't know how or why it works the way it does. It is simply amazing what humans are capable of.

Well, I am going to cut this post short because I am oddly tired for some reason tonight. So here are a few quotes I found while thinking about the relationship between “Men and Women” and our communication problems:

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Anthony Robbins

“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.” – Henry Kissinger

“The woman who appeals to a man's vanity may stimulate him, the woman who appeals to his heart may attract him, but it is the woman who appeals to his imagination who gets him” – Helen Rowland

“And verily, a woman need know but one man well, in order to understand all men; whereas a man may know all women and understand not one of them.” – Helen Rowland (apparently she was one of the few women who actually understood men)

Oh me

*Sigh*

So last night was the Winter Formal, and I let myself get roped into going. It is amazing what Jello Shots, old friends, Jack, and a penchant for masochistic behavior will get you into.

The dance itself was alright, but I spent most of my time gravitating between it and Core XI. It seemed that every time I walked into the ballroom, someone would say, "GEORGE! Come down to Core XI and have a drink with me." . . . I was at the point where I was just like, "More booze sounds good to me."

As you can tell by the above paragraphs, I was pretty far gone most of the night, and I was having a ball doing it. I was walking back and forth between various groups of friends, joking, laughing, dancing (extremely badly, but fully aware of that fact). Things were great and I was loving life.

.... Then I made a fatal mistake. I started talking to people who I shouldn't have and saying things I shouldn't have. I took a walk and ran into the one person I... well I can't say I didn't want to run into this person, because I did, yet at the same time it was the one person I didn't want to interact with last night. I wanted a carefree night where I didn't have to have internal battles every few minutes. I mean, I even managed to mostly avoid this person at the formal... even though I walked past them around three dozen times. Sure enough though, while walking around campus I ran into this person and we talked for a couple minutes, then I went back to my room, and sure enough I started talking to them online.

I have found that I talk far too much when I am inebriated, and unfortunately alcohol is to my internal filter what magma is to ice. So here I am at my computer with my internal filter melted into a little puddle on the floor and I start talking to people. I know for a fact I said more than I probably should have, and of course I realized it every time I said something. I would send a message, and then go "Wow, I can't believe I just said that. Oh well, can't take it back".

So here I sit now, wondering how I got where I am in life and why I feel the way I do, and I don't know how to answer my own questions... although my computer is answering me. Thanks Bob.

Now, some lyrics and quotes to finish off this little rambling post:

"I just want one day to go by where I'm not pretending I'm happy!"

“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.” - Henry Rollins

“Go out in the world and work like money doesn't matter, Sing as if no one is listening, Love as if you have never been hurt, and Dance as if no one is watching”

“I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.” - Javan

One day Love met Friendship.

Love asked, "Why do you exist when I already exist?"
Friendship replied, "To put a smile where you've left tears."

"How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again?"

That was then and this is now
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words
"Here lies a man who lived life for all that its worth"

I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
-Rascal Flatts "When the Sand Runs Out"