Oh me

*Sigh*

So last night was the Winter Formal, and I let myself get roped into going. It is amazing what Jello Shots, old friends, Jack, and a penchant for masochistic behavior will get you into.

The dance itself was alright, but I spent most of my time gravitating between it and Core XI. It seemed that every time I walked into the ballroom, someone would say, "GEORGE! Come down to Core XI and have a drink with me." . . . I was at the point where I was just like, "More booze sounds good to me."

As you can tell by the above paragraphs, I was pretty far gone most of the night, and I was having a ball doing it. I was walking back and forth between various groups of friends, joking, laughing, dancing (extremely badly, but fully aware of that fact). Things were great and I was loving life.

.... Then I made a fatal mistake. I started talking to people who I shouldn't have and saying things I shouldn't have. I took a walk and ran into the one person I... well I can't say I didn't want to run into this person, because I did, yet at the same time it was the one person I didn't want to interact with last night. I wanted a carefree night where I didn't have to have internal battles every few minutes. I mean, I even managed to mostly avoid this person at the formal... even though I walked past them around three dozen times. Sure enough though, while walking around campus I ran into this person and we talked for a couple minutes, then I went back to my room, and sure enough I started talking to them online.

I have found that I talk far too much when I am inebriated, and unfortunately alcohol is to my internal filter what magma is to ice. So here I am at my computer with my internal filter melted into a little puddle on the floor and I start talking to people. I know for a fact I said more than I probably should have, and of course I realized it every time I said something. I would send a message, and then go "Wow, I can't believe I just said that. Oh well, can't take it back".

So here I sit now, wondering how I got where I am in life and why I feel the way I do, and I don't know how to answer my own questions... although my computer is answering me. Thanks Bob.

Now, some lyrics and quotes to finish off this little rambling post:

"I just want one day to go by where I'm not pretending I'm happy!"

“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.” - Henry Rollins

“Go out in the world and work like money doesn't matter, Sing as if no one is listening, Love as if you have never been hurt, and Dance as if no one is watching”

“I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.” - Javan

One day Love met Friendship.

Love asked, "Why do you exist when I already exist?"
Friendship replied, "To put a smile where you've left tears."

"How do you teach your heart it's a crime to fall in love again?"

That was then and this is now
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words
"Here lies a man who lived life for all that its worth"

I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out
-Rascal Flatts "When the Sand Runs Out"