Ok, now that I have that out of my system, I would like to thank whoever came up with the moronic “Girls are like apples” thing. Not only have girls been using it for months now to justify why they are alone when there are plenty of good guys around (It is our fault, not theirs. We are just apparently too scared to climb.), but I have now had a guy send me an e-mail about it.
For those of you who don’t know what I mean by the “Girls are like apples” thing, I have a nice little image of it –
(And for the extremely lazy among us, I will post a text version of it. I personally like the text version better because it doesn’t mess with the spelling of words to fill out the tree form.)
Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
First I am going to talk about what this e-mail I got said, and then I am going to get into my response to the e-mail and then the quote in general.
The e-mail I got said –
“George, I just saw this and realized how true it was. I know that I was scared to ask out my girlfriend, but once I sucked it up and did it I became happier than I have ever been. I think that every guy out there just needs to get the balls to climb up the tree and grab his apple.”
My response was as follows –
“Thank you so much for that. I never knew that was my problem. I just haven’t been trying hard enough. I am too much of a fucking pansy apparently. Just don’t seem to have any balls according to you. I guess all those rejections I got from the ‘best apples’ were just because they thought I hadn't climbed well enough for them.
I understand that you have had a girlfriend for three years, but for the sake of every single guy alive, don’t take all the blame for every relationship problem a girl has ever had and put it on our shoulders. Ok? Thanks."
Now here’s my response to the quote. Sure, women are like apples, and the apples at the top of the tree are beautiful. The thing is, there are some guys who have climbed the tree multiple times in the past. We gather up our courage and struggle up the tree. We use whatever handholds we find - at times having to make our own handholds if we can’t find any – and climb up to the top of the tree. Once we get there, we find the beautiful apple we were climbing for and think we have reached our goal. It is only then we find that apparently we aren’t good enough for that apple and get laughed at and pushed out of the tree. Do any of you have any idea how much that fall hurts – to go from the highest heights and plummet to the ground, seeming to hit every branch of the tree along the way? Well, I can tell you from experience that it isn’t a fun thing.
So ladies, while it is true that there are some guys who aren’t willing to work for the beautiful apples at the top of the tree, you have to take responsibility for your own actions. There are plenty of guys who are willing to do the work and climb as high as they can in the tree, but they aren’t the guys the apples want climbing up. Thus, the apples either ignore them or kick them out of the tree and then resume their lonely vigils; all the while complaining that there aren’t any guys who are brave enough to climb and pick them.
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