Is this even a blog anymore? Or should I just go look for a Publisher?

Ok, before I get into the main body of this post I have to say something about my last post. . . DAMN! I really can be an ass when I feel like it. (and a little voice in my head says, “Yes. Embrace the hatred. Embrace the Dark Side”, or at least it does until I quash it.) I was in a very bad mood when I wrote that post, and it shows. I know I made at least one person mad (and she has already yelled at me about it), but at the time we were talking I didn’t really understand why she was so mad about it. Looking back and reading it now, I realize why. I may have made a few valid points in it, but I was a real jackass about it and didn’t fully explain myself. This whole thing brings to mind a quote:

“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.” – Dr. Laurence J. Peter

And oh boy is that quote ever right. Let me fully explain what I was meaning when I wrote that last post, because the way it looks now. . . well it just looks like I am decrying the whole idea of the “Apples” thing, and that is not what was meant by it.

When I first read the apples quote, my first thought was that it figured that women were pawning off all the blame on men. I am not saying that men are blameless. When looked at using generalities, the quote seems extremely valid and without straining myself I can name countless guys who indeed are exactly like the guys illustrated in the quote. I just don’t like the idea that women are held completely blameless in the whole idea. In the role of an apple, the woman has no say in the matters, and is held aloof. When using the apple to represent the woman, we take away any human actions or responsibilities. They are an inanimate object that is just hanging on a tree branch, while guys are the ones who have to make all the decisions and actions. I think perhaps a better metaphor needs to be found, but I can’t think of one at the moment (Oh, great. I can see another post coming).

The whole situation was further complicated earlier this evening when I was talking with my dad. I warn you now that I am going to compare apples and oranges (literally). I grabbed a couple of oranges out of the fridge and tossed him one and he asked me which drawer I got them out of. Apparently there are two different types of oranges in our fridge and he doesn’t like one of them. That got me to thinking. Maybe one of the problems that guys have is that they go after the wrong kind of apple. Maybe we are barking up the wrong tree. Perhaps we should be going after Granny Smith apples, but we have been going for Red Delicious. Hmmmm, more things to think on.

Now on to the original reason for this post.

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This part of the post will pertain to another conversation I have been having lately (Seems like half my posts are started this way nowadays). The last post inspired by a conversation was about communication between men and women, and I guess this post is somewhat similar in origin.

The main point of this post came from a question I asked a while back: “Why do women have a hard time believing and accepting it when I guy tells her she is beautiful?”

This question came up while we were talking about her insecurities, which I am not going to get into right now (all I am saying is that I still say she is wrong about them).

Her response to the question was thus:

“The reason we don't think we're beautiful is because society has told us since childhood that we're not. They say the only way we can be beautiful is if we buy these clothes, wear this makeup, and worship these airbrushed celebrities.”

I know that arguing against that kind of thing is like bashing my head against a brick wall, but what can I say, I am an argument masochist. So I tried. I made comments about how, while mass beauty is labeled by society, individuals are eventually the ones responsible for their views on beauty. None of it worked though. Eventually I just gave up on that side of the argument for the moment. Instead I turned to trying to find how a guy can be believed when he is trying to say something of that sort and was given the following response:

"So if a guy wants to tell a girl she's beautiful, he shouldn't start by saying that she is beautiful. That's a very daunting statement. He should start smaller. He should say that she has beautiful eyes, or something. She'll believe it if he compliments a specific feature. Then he can gradually start to go larger and larger until she's comfortable hearing that her complete package is beautiful."

Once again, I knew that trying to argue about this would be the equivalent of banging my head on a brick wall, but I continued. . . to no avail. Eventually I got bored of running in circles (there was a circular brick wall I was running around to keep the head banging up) and decided to post the comments on a Facebook group to get some feedback.

There was a general consensus on the Facebook group that:

A. Women are (generally) insecure and because they see their flaws they don’t understand how others can think they are beautiful because of the flaws.

B. Because there are a lot of guys who will say things like “You are beautiful” as a way to get into girls’ pants, it is hard for a woman to just accept it (unless she knows the guy well enough to trust that his motivation is pure, in which case she should accept it).

C. No matter how often she is told by people she is beautiful, a woman won’t believe it unless she thinks she is beautiful.

Disheartened by this, I returned to thinking about it myself. How could I reconcile the comments I had gotten from people with my personal beliefs? How could I come up with a concise statement detailing how I felt? The only thing I could think of right off was the old adage “beauty is in the eye of the beholder", but that didn’t really say all that I wanted to say. I couldn’t think of anything else at the moment, so I started looking for a quote to detail how I felt.

I found a few:

I only hope she knows she is beautiful inside and out. If not, maybe she can borrow my eyes for a night.

I have seen sunsets, sunrises, blue oceans, deep seas, lush forests, dense jungles, but nothing - not even these - could compare to the beauty that lies before me.

I'm sitting here thinking about your beauty, but no words come to mind. Then I realize that no words could ever come close to the beauty I see in you.

I don't care what you're wearing, or how much make-up you have on or don't have on; it's just you that makes you so beautiful.

When a guy calls you hot, he's looking at your body. When he says you're pretty, he's looking at your face. But, when a guy tells you that you're beautiful, he's looking at your heart.

The mirror doesn't show what you truly are but what you believe.

I even found one I had written down from Professor Seely:

Beauty has power over us. We can't control it. We can be aware of it and try to reduce the effect, but we can't control it - Mark Seely

Now, those are all great quotes, but none of them really said what I wanted to convey. Eventually I thought up a personal statement that fit what I was thinking at the moment:

Beauty is a personal concept. One man may find beauty in a sunset, and another in a flower. Society may say, “This is what is beautiful, and everything else is ugly”, but I don’t care about what society sees. I care about what I see, and when I look at you I see beauty. - Me

So there you have it folks. That is my statement on Beauty. Beauty is personal. Beauty is individual. Beauty may be roughly defined by society, but it is the individual who actually decides what they find beautiful. So ladies, next time you are called beautiful, don’t think “But I don’t look like (insert Hollywood celeb here)”. Instead, think “Wow, this person finds me beautiful” and take it as a genuine compliment.