Work is going great, not too much to talk about there. Family, well, my family is the same as it always is (in other words, medical problems abound). They are currently on their way back home from Nashville where they vacationed this week.
My family being on vacation meant that I was home alone this week, so I did a lot of driving around to visit people. While driving, I got a chance to do one of my favorite things - ponder. I thought about a lot of things this week - life, the universe, friendship, love, and communication.
Life - Life is funny sometimes. I am currently living with my parents to save up some money before moving out on my own. I want to move out, but at the same time, I know that my parents really need my help around the house nowadays, especially with my father’s current health problems (a long and sordid story I don‘t feel like getting into at the moment. If you are reading this and don‘t already know, give me a call or drop me an e-mail and I might explain it). Because of this, I am torn. Do I move out, or do I stay and help my parents? Oi. . .
The Universe - I love having a convertible sometimes. Driving through the country at night is a beautiful experience (so is sitting out at a drive-in in a convertible). Looking at the stars always gets me to thinking. As always, it reminds me how small our little ball of dirt and water is. At the same time, looking at the stars makes me question the rationality and sanity of anyone who believes that there is no higher power. I truly don’t understand how an atheist can look at the wonder that is the universe and not believe that something sentient had a hand in its creation. Looking at the stars also inspired my next thought -
Friendship - I think that our relationships with people are much like the relationship between stars and the Earth. Every person gives off a different amount of influence on others, and every star gives off a different level of light and energy. When we are closer to a star, we see its light more brightly. It doesn’t matter that a star is naturally dimmer than another, because we are closer to the dim star it appears brighter. Friendship is like this; we find our friends to be more influential and important than other people in our lives because of our proximity to them. This of course, brings us to. . .
Love - Drawing on the exact same example, I thought about how people we truly love influence us. Someone we are truly and deeply in love with is like Sol (that is our sun if you didn’t know). When someone we love is around us we can’t see anything or anyone else. The intensity of our feelings for them wash out everything. That is why we can’t see any other stars during the day, we are too close to our sun. Sol is far from a large or bright star. Hell, it is a puny and feeble star when compared to some of the giants out there, but to us, oh to us it is different. To us, Sol is the biggest, brightest, and most important star there is, and nothing anyone can say or do can prove otherwise. Loving someone effects us in the same way. It doesn’t matter how anyone else sees the person we love, to us, they are the sun. It doesn’t matter that to everyone else they appear to be a sickly star barely flickering in the darkest of nights, we love them and that is what counts to us.
A curious thought just came to me as I was writing this. Even when the sun isn’t in the sky it tends to shed more light on us than the other stars combined. We see its luminosity reflected off of the moon, and even our darkest nights are brightened by Sol. Once again, this is like the relationship we have with those we love. Even when they aren’t around, we see them in other things and they effect our lives.
Communication - For all the talking we humans do, communicating is still one of the most difficult things we can do. How do you tell your father that the one thing you fear right now is losing him? How do you tell your parents that you are willing to sacrifice your social life, comfort, and independence to stay home and help them when the one thing they want most is for you to be able to stand on your own and see you happy? How do you tell someone that you truly love them when every other attempt to do so has been met with laughter or shocked silence? What do you do when your heart is of two minds and your mind doesn’t have the heart to force your heart to make up its mind? When is the point when you stop trying with verbal communication and move on to physical?
When? When do you stop thinking about the right things to say, and speaking, and hinting, and cajoling, and stumbling over your tongue when you want to say something important? When do you stop worrying about what might be and start thinking about what is and should be? When do you stop thinking about possible negative consequences and focus on the amazingly positive possible outcomes? When do you stop trying to express yourself with words, and you instead take her in your arms and kiss her?
. . . And what happens if I did that? What if I did just stop over thinking things and just grabbed her and kissed her the next time I saw her? What then? Would I get slapped? Would she hate me? Would I lose a friend? Would she kiss me back? Would she finally actually believe what I have been saying all along?
And now I am thinking. . . If she reads this, will she realize it is her I am talking about? How many of the people reading this know who I am actually talking about? Oh sure, most of you have guesses, but how many of you are right?
I’m just rambling on now. I guess the conclusion of the above section would be “Yes or no?” Hmm. . . Quotes:
What do you do when your heart is of two minds and your mind doesn’t have the heart to force your heart to make up its mind? - George White
Am I so much to blame, that yesterday, when you were pleading
Warmly the cause of another, my heart, impulsive and wayward,
Pleaded your own, and spake out, forgetful perhaps of decorum?
Certainly you can forgive me for speaking so frankly, for saying
What I ought not to have said, yet now I can never unsay it;
For there are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion,
That if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble
Drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret,
Spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together.
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never ever the same."
Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows. - Pope Paul VI
She was the one to hold me
The night the sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didn’t end
Why didn’t I know
What I know now
Would you look at her
She looks at me
She’s got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she’s figured it out
I’m crazy for this girl - Evan and Jared “Crazy for this Girl”
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