Life is a bitch. Life throws shit at you and you never know what is going to hit next. One day, everything seems hunky-dory. . . The next everything is FUBAR. Funnily enough, for once, I’m not going to talk about all the shit. I worked out my need to vent earlier, and I just don’t feel the need to anymore.
Add to talking to someone earlier the fact that I took a nice long walk tonight after I got off work, and I am in a serene mood right now. I absolutely love living in a small town. There is no light pollution like you get in the city. I spent the majority of my walk just looking at the stars. The sky was gorgeous tonight, and it made me remember how incredibly small and insignificant we each are in the grand scheme of the cosmos.
Now, we are insignificant in the scheme of the cosmos, but on the universally small scale, we are incredibly important to everyone around us. Each action you make, effects everyone connected to you, and in turn, the effect on them effects everyone connected to them, etc. It is an infinitely expanding loop. The butterfly effect so to speak.
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Which brings me to my next point. In life we lean on people, and they in turn lean on us. Sometimes funny things happen. Sometimes we go to lean on someone and they aren’t there. Other times, they are so busy leaning on us that they don’t realize that we need to lean on them. Every once and a while though, when we can’t find someone to lean on we start to lose our balance. We have nothing to support us, and we start falling. Then life surprises us, and there is someone there we aren’t expecting. They support us and let us lean on them when we would otherwise fall. Finding these unexpected supporters when all others have disappeared is one of the best experiences in life. Sometimes someone is there for us and they can help us in a way that nobody else could have. I would like to send a thank you to the person who was there for me this week (you know who you are).
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Nerd Rant Alert!
I don’t know why I even bother watching movies based on books, old TV shows, or comic books anymore. I am almost always disappointed by them. The only one recently that hasn’t wholly enraged me was Transformers. Between the gorgeous Megan Fox, the always entertaining Shia LaBeouf, amazing special effects, and a very nice job of translating the Transformers characters to a live action movie, Transformers was a fun time and I found it well worth my time and money.
Spiderman 3 - So not worth the wait. Between Emo Spiderman when he was supposed to be super-aggressive evil Spiderman, Venom being almost an afterthought, and the heartless Sandman being turned into a sympathetic character, this movie was sad.
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. . . Wow. . . Just wow. I don’t know any other way to describe it. I mean, the powers of the characters (with the exception of Dr. Doom) were true to the comic, but the storyline and the personalities were horrible. Mediocre at best.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. . . I am sickened by this movie. Absolutely sickened. After watching the movie, I asked myself, “Is this movie based on the book I read? Because it wasn’t even close to the same.” The book was good, but the movie was frighteningly bad.
I am worried about the upcoming movie Stardust. The book by Neil Gaiman was amazing, but I am afraid that the movie will be a butchery of it. Only time will tell.
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Work is going great. I love helping these guys. The majority of them are just confused kids who made stupid mistakes. Sure a few of them can be jackasses at times, but for the most part they want our help. Unfortunately, I know I can’t do this forever. I like helping these guys, but counseling psychology isn’t really my cup of tea. Honestly I am already starting to look for decent grad schools where I can focus on biopsychology and/or forensic psychology. Hopefully I can find somewhere nearby and go to school while still working at the same place. Here’s hoping.
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It is funny how there are some things in life that, no matter how hard you try, you can't change. Sometimes these things are good. Other times they are bad. And every once and a while, they are just there. Sometimes it is a feeling. How you feel about someone (or multiple someones) that you can't change. Maybe you have done something that should have changed your feelings for them, or maybe they have. It doesn't matter what should have changed. No, should's are not a concern of this kind of thing. Should is a word that our brains laugh at and push to the side.
I shouldn't care about this person, but I do, and I can't stop myself from caring. I mean, this person has done pretty much everything imaginable show that they don't care the same way, but for some reason I still care, and I don't know why. Maybe I am a masochist. Maybe it is just that I like the constant struggle to even get this person to have a conversation me.
I don't know why though. I have plenty of people who are perfectly willing to talk to me. Hell, I spend my workdays with 13 guys who want nothing more than positive attention from a male role model. Why don't I just pay attention to them instead of worrying about this person?
Bah, this is just a circular rant in which I will just keep going round and round the idea that I should stop caring, but for some reason I can't. . . Oh well. C'est mon vie.
QUOTES!!!
“God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of the players, (ie everybody), to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.” - Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett
“Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong, and it makes you feel so small because it's so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn't come back. You're left so alone that you can't explain.” - Henry Rollins
“You want to think and say that you have everytning you need, but then you realize that something is missing, someone is missing... and once you think you've found it, it goes and disappears on you and you don't understand what to do or even where to start looking for that missing piece of the puzzle. You sit at home in lonely frustration and you just wait...wait...and wait. No where to look, no one to look for...”
“Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows.” - Pope Paul VI
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” - Reinhold Niebuhr
“My mind tells me to give up, but my heart won't let me.”
“I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.” - Javan
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