Insomnia Sucks

Ok, those of you who are reading this should be warned that I am running on empty at the moment and I will probably say some things that either don’t make sense or that I shouldn’t say. At the moment, I just don’t care.

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This first section is something I have been thinking about a lot lately – my spirituality. I can’t call it my religiosity, because I don’t follow any specific religion. I mean, if I absolutely had to subscribe to any one religion, I would have to choose to be a non-denominational Christian (ok, I know that even that isn’t truly choosing a religion, but it is as close as I can get).

I am not sure why I have been thinking about my spirituality lately. Maybe it is because I have actually sat in on a few religious ceremonies lately. Maybe it is because I have been hanging out with several highly religious people recently. Maybe it is just because once again I have reached a point in my life where I just don’t know what I should do.

Whatever the reason, I feel like I should explain my views on religion somewhere that people can read them. I will try to be as non-judgmental and honest as I can in this explanation.

1. I believe there is a God. I believe that this God is a benevolent being.

2. I believe that this God has revealed itself throughout the ages to any number of people in any number of ways. I believe that miracles described in Greek, Roman, Norse, and Egyptian mythologies probably actually have some foundation in truth. I believe that the Jewish/Christian/Muslim holy texts have at least some basis in fact. I believe Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and every other major religion in the world has some kind of connection to this same God. Miracles happen, and the only way to explain them is a God.

3. I believe that the idea of being religious and to worship God is a respectable and necessary thing in life.

4. I believe that the basic tenets of every major religion in the world are basically good. From the Ten Commandments to the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path, every major religion has some kind of foundation that is easily followed or understood by most people. Very few of these tenets conflict with the other religions. Heck, even “You shall have no other gods before Me” isn’t contradicted if you believe that all religions are just different ways to worship the same God.

I think those four basic beliefs are commonplace and respectable. Here is where I step away from most people. I don’t go as far as some people (Jesse Ventura) and claim that religion is a crutch for people. Far from it, religion has throughout history brought people together in ways nothing else has. No, I don’t believe that, but I do believe that religion is not universally good.

Established religion has been the basis for wars, discrimination, homicide, genocide, feuds, and hatred throughout the centuries. Arguments and conflicts between religious groups have caused more problems through the centuries than anything else I can think of. Blind faith leads people to do exceedingly foolish things.

It isn’t only disagreements between religions that cause problems. Misinterpretation of religious doctrines has lead to almost as many problems as the conflicts. It leads to irrational hatred of people who are different, terrorists blowing themselves up in order to kill “infidels”, witch hunts, inquisitions, and civil wars.

For these reasons, I, while being extremely spiritual, cannot bring myself to claim any specific religion as my own.

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Wow, I am proud of myself. I stayed on topic for much longer than I expected to.

This next section though. . . I am going to do a lot of rambling. I am not good at typing about my personal life really.

Looking back on the past year or so, I find that I haven’t changed at all. When I say I haven’t changed, I mean that I am finding myself in situations like I was last year at about this point.

I am like a man in quicksand. I feel myself sink down, and my hand finds itself on a branch, so I grab onto the branch and begin pulling with all my might. Unfortunately, the branch seems to always break and I find myself sinking right back into the quicksand.

Maybe I should just stop struggling against the quicksand. Maybe I should just let myself sink into the quicksand and accept my fate. I tried it once, but my timing was atrocious. Maybe I was supposed to grab the branch then and let myself and the quicksand adjust for a while until the branch broke. Well, the branch has broken. Should I surrender?

Looking at things from the perspective of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy, I can say to myself, “What is the worst that can happen?” Honestly, the worst thing that could happen is getting shot down again. The thing is, I am used to that. It would just be another “Suckerpunch” from the big man upstairs. I’ve lost track of how many times that has happened over the years. It isn’t that bad really. I can laugh it off nowadays.

What else am I scared of? I can’t put it in words. I don’t really think there is anything holding me back. Maybe it is because I know I won’t be believed. I mean, I have said point blank how I feel countless times, but I don’t think it has ever really sunk in. Then again, disregarding one time, every time I have said how I feel, I have used my signature sarcastic tone or said it flippantly. Maybe I just need to be dead serious the next time I say it. It isn’t a joke, but I feel I sometimes have to joke about it to keep from exposing my feelings to people honestly. I need to stop doing it.

Alright, I am just going to let go. I am going to surrender myself to the quicksand. It is all in the hands of God now. I am going to trust that things will work out as they should.

. . . Oh, sleepless nights give one a lot to think about. As always, comments are welcome and encouraged. I like to know when friends are actually reading this and what they think about what I write. Now, as I like to do, here are some quotes:

The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief -
But the pain of grief
Is only a shadow
When compared with the pain
Of never risking love.
- Hilary Stanton Zunin

“Love is a special word, and I use it only when I mean it. You say the word too much and it becomes cheap.” – Ray Charles

“The most human thing we have to do in life is is to learn to speak our honest convictions and feelings and live with the consequences. This is the first requirement of love, and it makes us vulnerable to other people who may ridicule us. But our vulnerability is the only thing we can give to other people.” – Leo F. Buscaglia

Metaphors

There Person G, are you happy? I mentioned you. Now stop whining and bitching. (I just hope people H-Z don’t start bitching at me now.)

I have also had a request to mention how amazing Poopsie’s boobs are. Poopsie, you know who you are and how much everyone loves those perky little love-muffins. I mean really, any man whose mouth doesn’t water over those gazongas is no friend of mine. Ok, now to get my mind off of those luscious love puppies and back to the task at hand.

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Now for the main purpose of this post. I want to talk about metaphors. Everyone uses metaphors as part of their daily life. Hell, I used several when I was talking about Poopsie’s delicious funbags (whoops, there’s another one).

But that isn’t really the type of metaphor I mean with this post. No, this post is about the metaphors people use when they are talking about someone and they only want specific people to know who they are talking about. Sometimes these metaphors are silly and easily decoded. Other times they remain viable code words for many months.

Another interesting thing to look at when considering metaphors is where the metaphor itself came from. What is it about the word that fits the person or event that you are trying to talk about without talking about it? I know that personally it normally comes from some comment made offhand by myself or my coconspirators that makes some kind of humorous impact. It can be an offhand comment, or an away message the person has up that sticks with us. Whatever the source, I rarely use metaphors with no reason behind them.

Sitting here and writing about metaphors is making me think of all the metaphors I have used or heard in the past year or so. Let me see how many I can name.

Groceries, Bicycle, Brick, Oot, Canada, Mexico, Iraq, Switzerland, Teddy Bear, Frog, Toad, Economics, Explosion of Boobies! (the exclamation point is mandatory), The List, Noble Weasel, and finally, the funniest of them all, CD!!

These are just the ones I have used or heard (and can remember) from the past year or so. If I went back any further I could probably come up with any number of additional metaphors I have used. All in all, metaphors for me are a fun way to talk about people (not necessarily in a bad way, in fact, normally in a very good way) without most people knowing who I am talking about. They are fun and harmless. Isn’t that right Statler?

Well, that is all I have to say about those, here are some quotes of the moment as is traditional.

“When you stop putting yourself on the line, and you don't touch your own heart, how do you expect to touch other people?” – Tori Amos

“Without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Whether you call my heart affectionate, or you call it womanish: I confess, that to my misfortune, it is soft.” – Ovid

“It is the privilege of those who fear love to murder those who do not fear it!” – May Sarton

“Loving someone that doesn't love you is like reaching for a star. You know you'll never reach it, but you just got to keep trying.”

Poopsie is not a real person. Sure, I love looking at several different people's dirty pillows, but I would never single any of them out in a blog post.

Oy vey!

So, I was planning on writing a post about a Futurama episode that was on earlier this week, but unfortunately as I got about halfway through writing the post, I realized that it would be taken the wrong way.

The episode is one of the many involving Fry's unrequited love for Leela, and is my favorite Futurama episode of all time. As I got further and further into the writing of the post, I realized that people would assume I was talking about myself instead of the episode.

Person A would think I was writing about Person B. Person B would see it as either a post about themself or Person A. Person C would laugh at me and make jokes about how I was writing about Person A. Person D would assume it was about Person B. Person E is getting annoyed I am writing about all these random people, and Person F is pissed that I haven't mentioned them.

*Sigh* Sometimes I wish a ball could just be a ball, a tree could just be a tree, and the Washington Monument could just be a tall slender building.

So, rather than write a post about my love for a sappy episode of Futurama, I will just post up a couple of pictures I got of my cousin's baby girl. She's a cutie, but too bad her name is Savannah White.

Poor kid.




And now a quote or three:

“I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.” - Mitch Hedberg

“Don't go for the looks, it can be quite deceiving. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away - go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright. Hope you find that person.” - Anonymous

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be” - Marcel Pagnol

Two in one day? What?

Yeah, so this is my second post of the day, but it is just to post up the article I just wrote for the Observer.

I love writing these last minute columns, but I can never think of anything to write about. Consequently, I tend to ask for topic ideas from friends. The suggestions I get are all over the map. Here are a few of them: “Write about politics.” “Write about people going to college just so they can get more money in later jobs.” “Write about how Ninjas are better than Pirates.” “Write about how Jason Keller and George White are the sexiest men on campus.”

Now, some of these topics are completely stupid (I mean, everyone knows Pirates are better), but sometimes a topic clicks with me and I can run with it. Three people suggested various Hollywood topics to me. These ranged from Britney Spears’s recent head shaving to why Vince Vaughn was responsible for Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston’s divorce. After quickly dismissing these things as topics, it struck me how sad it was that Hollywood gossip was the most popular topic suggestion.

Not one person I talked to mentioned Iran, the peace summit with Israel and the Palestinian authority, the multiple outbreaks of salmonella infected foods, or the asteroid that threatens to impact with Earth in 2036 (it is true people).

No, I got suggestions regarding Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears, and Brad Pitt. Is this what our society has come to? Well, apparently the answer to that question is yes, because as looking at the “Most Popular” news articles on Google, I find that 6 out of the top 10 stories are about Sports or Hollywood.

What is it about Hollywood celebrities that so enthralls our culture? Is it the flashiness and glamour of their lifestyle that makes them seem more important than global politics? Is it that they make more money in one year than most families will make in a lifetime for pretending to be other people?

Here I am complaining about this phenomenon, but at the same time, I am fueling it. Earlier in this article I wrote about various things that have happened recently in Hollywood. Now, unfortunately, I think this article will spawn more conversations about them than about the truly important events in our world.

I will just leave you with this question: Do you know what brand of peanut butter has been recalled because of salmonella? If not, you may want to start looking at news stories that are a little more important than “which celebrity just had a breakdown/breakup/breaksomething”.

Heh, I rock. Also, Trips is amazing.

Cognitive Dissonance Sucks

Just a little blurb here.

Don't you just hate it when you disagree with yourself?

I mean, part of you wants to think or do one thing, and another part of you is vehemently against it. What do you listen to? Do you listen to the rational, calm, and intellectual side or do you listen to the spontaneous, heartfelt, and emotional side? How do you decide which part of yourself is in the right? Or should you just flip a coin and go with the winner?

. . . I dunno. . . I am just rambling.

One quick quote that I thought of when I was contemplating my cognitive dissonance:

If your head tells you one thing, and your heart tells you another, before you do anything, you should first decide whether you have a better head or a better heart. - Marilyn vos Savant

C’est mon vie

Ok, I originally wrote up a post with this basic topic on Wednesday night/Thursday morning, but for some reason it didn’t post on my blog like it should have. I haven’t been in a blogging mood the past couple days, so I waited till now to write it up again.

Hindsight - recognition of the realities, possibilities, or requirements of a situation, event, decision etc., after its occurrence

Yeah. As I said in a post back in June, hindsight can be a real bitch, but hindsight can also be helpful. Hindsight can cut through all the bullshit of life and let you know that you have done the right thing in certain situations.

Looking back at my life, I am glad to say that for the most part I have made the right decisions. When I was a kid, I read and learned instead of sitting around watching TV and movies 24/7 (I only spent 18/7 doing that). When I was in middle and high school I didn’t go out and get drunk every weekend like so many of my classmates did. I came to Saint Joseph’s College and made some of the best friends I have ever had.

Unfortunately, there is one area of my life in which I haven’t always made the best choices. I repeatedly make bad choices in this area, and I don’t seem to learn from my past mistakes in the slightest.

This area is of course . . . women. BJ and I were talking about our past history with women and the guy actually made a comment worthy of quoting for something other than shock value.

“If you would just stop existing, I would stop falling for you. . .”

(Ok, I added that ellipses at the end because he actually said, “If you would just stop existing, I would stop falling for you, bitch”, but then he said, “Nah, just kidding take the bitch off that.”)

But he was right, that is how I have always dealt with my feelings for women. I have always developed romantic feelings, and then when it doesn’t work out I retain the feelings. For some reason I can’t explain, I just don’t let go. I have always clung to the feelings, perhaps clinging to some vain hope that if I keep feeling that way, it will change things. I have done this for more years than I would like to remember. It is unhealthy, and now that I look back at it, I am somewhat scared by it. Why would I do such things to myself? I can’t answer that, but hopefully I will never have to again.

Now that I have said that, I can also honestly say that I am not doing it anymore. I am learning from my mistakes, and the change feels good.

Some lyrics to wrap up this post:

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, I want to stay in love with my sorrow.

Don't want to let it lay me down this time.
Drown my will to fly.
Here in the darkness I know myself.
Can't break free until I let it go.
Let me go.

Darling, I forgive you after all.
Anything is better than to be alone.
And in the end I guess I had to fall.
Always find my place among the ashes.

I can't hold on to me,
Wonder what's wrong with me.

Lithium, don't want to lock me up inside.
Lithium, don't want to forget how it feels without...
Lithium, ...stay in love with my sorrow.
I'm gonna let it go.

Ok, I lied, that isn’t the end. Just because I haven’t used it since my New Year’s post, my favorite quote:

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” – Neil Gaiman

I’ve never been so alone. . ./She can ask for the truth. . ./Politics. . .

Ok, so this is going to be a three part post. I am not sure if any of the parts will be all that long, but oh well.

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. . . And I’ve never been so alive.

Those are lyrics from Third Eye Blind’s “Motorcycle Dive By”. Not only is that song one of my all time favorites, but right now it also fits my mood.

As the lyrics say, I’ve never been so alone. . . well I have been, hell I have lived the majority of my life as alone as I am now, but what I mean is that I am just by myself now. Lately I have been relying on others less. I have been whining about life less. I’m spending time to myself when I could be out with friends. I’m not becoming a hermit by any means, but I am just not as connected to my friends as I once was.

And funnily enough, I haven’t felt this happy and relaxed in a long time. I am finally learning how to do what is best for George. I’m stopping myself from saying/doing stupid things that feed the emotional masochist in me. I’m finally content with being single. Do I wish I wasn’t? Sure. Do I see certain people and think, “what if?” Every single day, but I don’t let it get me down. I don’t let the fact that I am alone rule my life anymore. I enjoy what I have, and I have stopped dwelling on what I don’t.

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. . . But she’ll never believe you.

Why do women not believe a single word out of a guy’s mouth? It can be about anything, and they still won’t believe.

Take this even that happened twice in the past two weeks with me -

Woman - “Is this test going to be hard?”

Me - “Not really, that professor’s test are normally pretty easy.”

Woman - “Are you sure? Should I study more than I normally do?”

Me – “No really, they tend to be really straightforward if you have read the stuff and looked at your notes.”

Woman – “But you are smart, what you think is easy is probably really hard.”

Me – “*Sigh* . . . I quit.”

What was there not to believe in that exchange? Was there some hidden message I was transmitting that made them believe I was lying to them to sabotage them? How about this conversation that I had (again twice, but about VERY different things) –

Woman – “How did I do?”

Me – “You did really well.”

Woman – “Are you just saying that?”

Me – “No, you really did a good job.”

Woman – “You are just saying that because I am your friend.”

Me – “No, really. I mean it. You did a good job. I wouldn’t lie to you about this.”

Woman – “. . . Okay.”

Me – “*Resigned sigh*”

I don’t know what it is, and maybe it is just me, but for some reason it seems that women have an underlying distrust of anything said by a man. Have we as a society so fully blackened the reputation of men that nothing they say is believable?

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This third section is only going to be a few sentences. Politics belong only in the political world. Leave them out of things involving talent and skill. . . Grah!

Now a quote and some lyrics from the two songs used as titles.

Your feelings may be as clear as traffic light signals, but what if the person watching you is color-blind? So, tell them how you feel.

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Motorcycle Drive By – Third Eye Blind

Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by,
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes, and you don’t mind, you smile,
And say the world doesn’t fit with you.
I don’t believe you, you’re so serene.
Careening through the universe, your axis on a tilt, you’re guiltless and free,
I hope you take a piece of me with you,
And there’s things Id like to do that you don’t believe in,
I would like to build something, but you’d never see it happen
And there’s this burning, like there’s always been,
I’ve never been so alone, and I’ve, I’ve never been so alive,

And there’s this burning, ah ha, there was this burning.

. . . .

I go home to the coast. It starts to rain, I paddle out on the water alone,
Taste the salt and taste the pain. I’m not thinking of you again,
Summer dies and swells rise, the sun goes down in my eyes, see this rolling wave, darkly coming to take me, home,
And I never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive.

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She’s Always A Woman – Billy Joel

She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her, as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me

CHORUS
Oh-she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh-and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind

And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me

CHORUS

She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me

Snoopy is street

I just had to post this picture somewhere after I found it.

Valentine's Day Sucks!

Well, that fateful day that everyone loves to hate is coming up. No, not Arbor Day. Valentine's Day. This has just been driven into my head by the dozen or so e-mails I have already gotten about it. Some are from friends, some are spam, but no matter who they are from, they annoy me.

Now sure, not EVERYONE hates Valentine’s Day, but the majority of the population does. I don’t blame them either. There are plenty of viable reasons to hate Valentine’s Day.

Here are a few I have compiled in the past twenty minutes:

1. Being alone on Valentine’s Day sucks. That is right. There is nothing more disheartening than being alone on a day that is dedicated to couples. I mean really, what kind of sick fuck decided to create a holiday that would alienate between one third and one half of the global population? What kind of twisted mind does it take to come up with that kind of thing?

2. Valentine’s Day has introduced the idea of forced romanticism. For those of us who tend to be naturally romantic, it has cheapened the idea. For the rest of the population, it is a day in which they are expected to act like someone they aren’t. This is just another example of our society asking people to change who they are to fit in.

3. Valentine’s Day breeds contention. If a guy isn’t romantic enough, it causes problems with his significant other. If a guy is too romantic, it can cause problems. Finally, if a guy just says, “Screw it, I am not a romantic person” and blows off Valentine’s Day, he will be lucky to survive the day. On the flip side, guys get upset because they are expected to buy expensive and extravagant gifts on this day. What is special about the day? Well, we are just told it is special, and things need to be bought.

4. It doesn’t matter how good your Valentine’s Day gift to someone is, you just have to be better next year. It is the ultimate game of one-upsmanship with oneself. If you do something amazing on your first Valentine’s Day together, every other year will just be compared to that year unfavorably.

5. Being alone on Valentine’s Day sucks. Yeah, I know I already said it, but oh well. It needs to be said more than once.

And now for fun, a Jay Leno quote:

“Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!” - Jay Leno

Puppies!

This post is just because I miss my puppies and was looking at pictures of them. While looking at the pictures, I decided that everyone must see them.


Little dog looking at my brother as he plays Nintendo (Regular Nintendo, nothing fancy for him).


Little dog looking demonic and crazy.


Big dog looking scruffy and cute.

I miss my puppies