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. . . And I’ve never been so alive.
Those are lyrics from Third Eye Blind’s “Motorcycle Dive By”. Not only is that song one of my all time favorites, but right now it also fits my mood.
As the lyrics say, I’ve never been so alone. . . well I have been, hell I have lived the majority of my life as alone as I am now, but what I mean is that I am just by myself now. Lately I have been relying on others less. I have been whining about life less. I’m spending time to myself when I could be out with friends. I’m not becoming a hermit by any means, but I am just not as connected to my friends as I once was.
And funnily enough, I haven’t felt this happy and relaxed in a long time. I am finally learning how to do what is best for George. I’m stopping myself from saying/doing stupid things that feed the emotional masochist in me. I’m finally content with being single. Do I wish I wasn’t? Sure. Do I see certain people and think, “what if?” Every single day, but I don’t let it get me down. I don’t let the fact that I am alone rule my life anymore. I enjoy what I have, and I have stopped dwelling on what I don’t.
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. . . But she’ll never believe you.
Why do women not believe a single word out of a guy’s mouth? It can be about anything, and they still won’t believe.
Take this even that happened twice in the past two weeks with me -
Woman - “Is this test going to be hard?”
Me - “Not really, that professor’s test are normally pretty easy.”
Woman - “Are you sure? Should I study more than I normally do?”
Me – “No really, they tend to be really straightforward if you have read the stuff and looked at your notes.”
Woman – “But you are smart, what you think is easy is probably really hard.”
Me – “*Sigh* . . . I quit.”
What was there not to believe in that exchange? Was there some hidden message I was transmitting that made them believe I was lying to them to sabotage them? How about this conversation that I had (again twice, but about VERY different things) –
Woman – “How did I do?”
Me – “You did really well.”
Woman – “Are you just saying that?”
Me – “No, you really did a good job.”
Woman – “You are just saying that because I am your friend.”
Me – “No, really. I mean it. You did a good job. I wouldn’t lie to you about this.”
Woman – “. . . Okay.”
Me – “*Resigned sigh*”
I don’t know what it is, and maybe it is just me, but for some reason it seems that women have an underlying distrust of anything said by a man. Have we as a society so fully blackened the reputation of men that nothing they say is believable?
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This third section is only going to be a few sentences. Politics belong only in the political world. Leave them out of things involving talent and skill. . . Grah!
Now a quote and some lyrics from the two songs used as titles.
Your feelings may be as clear as traffic light signals, but what if the person watching you is color-blind? So, tell them how you feel.
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Motorcycle Drive By – Third Eye Blind
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by,
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes, and you don’t mind, you smile,
And say the world doesn’t fit with you.
I don’t believe you, you’re so serene.
Careening through the universe, your axis on a tilt, you’re guiltless and free,
I hope you take a piece of me with you,
And there’s things Id like to do that you don’t believe in,
I would like to build something, but you’d never see it happen
And there’s this burning, like there’s always been,
I’ve never been so alone, and I’ve, I’ve never been so alive,
And there’s this burning, ah ha, there was this burning.
. . . .
I go home to the coast. It starts to rain, I paddle out on the water alone,
Taste the salt and taste the pain. I’m not thinking of you again,
Summer dies and swells rise, the sun goes down in my eyes, see this rolling wave, darkly coming to take me, home,
And I never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive.
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She’s Always A Woman – Billy Joel
She can kill with a smile
She can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child
But she's always a woman to me
She can lead you to love
She can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth
But she'll never believe
And she'll take what you give her, as long as it's free
Yeah, she steals like a thief
But she's always a woman to me
CHORUS
Oh-she takes care of herself
She can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh-and she never gives out
And she never gives in
She just changes her mind
And she'll promise you more
Than the Garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you
And laugh while you're bleedin'
But she'll bring out the best
And the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself
Cause she's always a woman to me
CHORUS
She is frequently kind
And she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases
She's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted
She's earned her degree
And the most she will do
Is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me
2 comments:
"Have we as a society so fully blackened the reputation of men that nothing they say is believable?"
Absolutely not, man. If a woman refuses to believe what you're saying, that's her problem. And if your approval is what makes her feel worthwhile in this world, that ain't good.
In other news, hope you're doing well!
I was looking for the lyrics of "Motorcycle Drive By" on google, and it brought me to your site. "I've never been so alone, I've never been so alive", I love this song, as well as your blog. I am trying to enjoy being alone while still hope love could come to me one day.
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