A Long Overdue Ramble

So, over the past couple of months I have written up a few blog posts, but after writing each one I would read it and scrap it. Some were too whiny (even for me), some were a little too revealing (don't think my family would appreciate some of the personal health problems I would have been posting), and a few were just too personal. Over the past couple years I have put up plenty of stuff that is VERY personal on my blog, but these were a little much even for me.

So here is this post. I am just going to ramble on about whatever comes to mind; I'll probably throw in some song lyrics and/or quotes too. We shall see.

Work: Work is hell. Ok, not hell, but it is stressful. I could leave it at that, but I won't. The past few weeks at work have been too hectic. Between holidays, deaths, and many outings, things are just running at 1oo miles a second and I can't seem to keep caught up. Now, not everything is bad. I mean, some of the outings are great. I mean, I got paid to drive up to Chicago, watch Phantom of the Opera, and eat at a Chinese buffet - awesome. Last week I got paid to go Christmas shopping and then got a $30 meal at Red Lobster. When you couple these fun things with the emotional boosts you get when you realize how much you are actually helping some of these guys, and the job is great. It can be REALLY stressful though.


Family: Hey regular readers, I have a shock for you! My family members are sick! Ok, if you know anything about my family or have read about half of my blog posts, you know that my family is always sick. If it isn't my mom's knee or shoulder, it is my brother's gastro-intestinal system, or my dad's neck, back, diabetes, arthritis, heart, or whatever his newest unknown malady is. This time it is Dad, Tom, and my aunt all at once. Oh, and my ankle has been acting up lately too. Luckily my family's doctor is great. I mean, the man refuses to let us call him anything but his first name, and has a habit of theatrically joking with us. Take this example:

The setting is a hospital room. My father has been admitted for testing because his blood pressure has been spiking dangerously. After 12 hours of testing and a night in the hospital my family is sitting in the room waiting for our doctor. The nurses know us, so they have been joking with us about how the doctor is just avoiding us because he doesn't know what is wrong.

A few minutes later our doctor saunters in. He says his hello's to all of us and sits down on the radiator. He looks over at my dad and smiles as he puts his feet on the hospital bed.

"Well, Tim," he says with an exaggerated sigh. "The nurses tell me that you have been whiny and bitchy. But we'll deal with that later. First the results of your tests. As usual we have know idea what the fuck is going on with you."

And yes, that actually happened. The nurses weren't happy he was putting words in their mouths, so one of them kicked him in the butt as he was walking away from the room.

In addition to the health problems in my family, I am also suffering from another problem regarding them. I am feeling weird when I'm around most of my cousins of a like age. Currently there are five of us who have graduated from high school, and I am the only one who isn't married. Ok, sure, all of the others got married because they either got pregnant or got someone pregnant, but still. It feels weird to look around at a family gathering and realize that I am the only legal adult in my generation without a significant other. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to have any kids yet, and I am glad I am not on the fast track to whitetrashdom like some of my cousins (nothing like leaving the Navy because you got pregnant and spending the rest of your life working at McDonalds).

Edumacation: In two weeks I am taking my GRE so I can finish my applications to various Grad schools. I'm torn though. I want to go to grad school and get my Master's, but at the same time I want to be home to help my parents. I want to get a higher paying job that I can consider a career, but I want to pay off my student loans as soon as possible. I want to get out of my hometown, but I want to be able to visit friends. It is an interesting conundrum. I'm going to go ahead and apply though, and see what my options are after that.

Women/Love/Romance/Relationship Status: Uhhh. . . . not sure at the moment. I think there is one person who fully knows what is going on with me right now (and that is because I had another case of "George has no internal filter when intoxicated" syndrome... Yeah sorry about that again, even if you refuse to allow me to say sorry). If you want to know what is going on with me, ask and depending on my mood I might tell you.

Random Thoughts: Hmmm, what random thoughts should I include here? Should I talk about how much I dislike going to any of the bars in this area because the three times I have been in one over the past six months at least 10% of my high school class has been inside?

Maybe I should talk about how this past Tuesday REALLY reminded me of some of the things I miss the most about college? Sitting in Cup o' Joe, just talking, laughing, joking, and hanging out really made me nostalgic. I miss being able to just take a one minute walk to find a place I can sit and be with friends. I miss having a group of people readily available to just relax with. I can't do that with my family because any time my parents and I are all off work they end up finding something around the house that needs fixing, or cleaning, or remodeling, or some other inane thing.

Perhaps I should talk about how I have lately been one of the things I hate the most. . . a hypocrite. I continually talk about how we should be honest with people and just say how we feel, but I think I do it mainly because it is something I wish I could do. Instead, I skirt around issues. I drop stupid little hints and joke about things in an attempt to convey what I am thinking without having to actually say it. I hate myself for it, but every time I do express how I feel things seem to explode in my face. *Sigh* Oh well.

Quotes/Songs:

"If I could spend every minute of every day with you I would. I think about you all the time. I think of you when I go to bed, and you're the first thing I think about when I wake up. I can't go through one day without wanting to see you, needing to see you. You're addictive, I don't get it ... what is it about you?"

I thought that by telling myself and everyone else that I hated you. That sooner or later I would come to believe it. But I now realize that by lying, it makes me want you even more.

"You know, I used to think it was awful that life was so unfair. Then I thought, wouldn't it be much worse if life were fair, and all the terrible things that happen to us come because we actually deserve them? So, now I take great comfort in the general hostility and unfairness of the universe." - Marcus Cole from Babylon 5

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“I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like "Huh?", but if it's in a basket you're like "Nice."” - Demetri Martin

"If You're Not the One" by Daniel Bedingfield

If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all?

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I'm praying you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t wanna run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?