Is this the feelings that addicts feel? This want, that borders on need. This yearning for one thing to the exclusion of others. This hunger that consumes all other thoughts and wants. I know I shouldn't want it. I mean sure, giving in to this desire and fulfilling it will lead to happiness, but I know that it will only lead to more pain and suffering in the long run. Granted, it is a near-blissful moment in which everything seems right with the world. Colors seem more vibrant, sounds more melodious, smells more intoxicating, and touches electrifying. Therein lies the problem though. . . it is just a moment. So far every time I have indulged this want, it has been a singular moment. A few solitary moments of the dizzying high, each of which inevitably spiraled into a painful crash.
One would think that these crashes might be enough incentive to not want to risk them again. Then something happens. Some isolated event that means nothing reminds me of the highs. They make me think of the joy that fulfilling this want made me feel. The sheer unadulterated happiness that I felt. When I think about that, I forget the lows. I forget the pain and grief I felt when it was over. I want that happiness. I want that high, but I want it to last, I want to continue indulging in that want over and over to keep the low from coming.
Is this what addicts feel? It sure sounds like it.
Am I addicted? It is possible.
Should I give in? . . . I'm not sure.
Ah, what the hell.
*Eats a piece of cake.*
Ah, that's nice.
Ok, so this actually had nothing to do with cake. *Walks off muttering something about being an idiot and brick walls.*
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