Musings on “Nice Guys” and the “Friend Zone”

As a nice guy and eternal resident of the “Friend Zone,” I have a few things to say about the numerous articles online about these concepts. As a nice guy I have looked through every article I could find regarding them, and I was shocked and appalled by what I saw.

Every “Nice Guy” article I have found has at least one or two decent points to it, but then every single one degenerated into complaining that their “Nice Guy” attitudes are being ignored, and they are getting nothing in return. Being repaid for being a “Nice Guy” isn’t what being nice is about. You don’t do nice things for people because you expect them to pay you back. You do nice things because it is the right thing to do. I don’t take sick friends to the doctor’s office because it might impress my female friends and get me some action . . . I do it because I have a sick friend who needs to go to the doctor and doesn’t have a car. I don’t take care of my friends when they are drunk because it will show my female friends that I am good at taking care of people and make me like them more . . . I do it because my friends are morons when they are drunk and have a habit of doing stupid things that can be prevented. If I read one more article about a “Nice Guy” complaining that none of his female friends are having sex with him even though he is a “Nice Guy” I will stab someone in the face.

Disheartened by the fact that I might be the only person who does nice things because they are good and not to get some action, I turned to “Friend Zone” rants to see if my worst fears would be realized, and unfortunately they were. Once more, every article seemed to be nice enough at first, and each one had a few valid points that gave them surface validity. Upon further reading, I found that every one of the articles could be boiled down to little more than:

“I want to have sex with Girl A, but she only sees me as a friend . . . what a bitch!”

Why must all feelings be associated only with sex? I am a 21 year old virgin and proud of the fact. I have had chances to, as some say, “cure myself” of it, but I turned them down. I don’t think that sexual feelings are necessary to caring for someone, yet every single “Friend Zone” article says something in it to the effect of “the friend zone is where women put men they have no intention of sleeping with”.

To me, the “Friend Zone” is somewhere I put myself. I fall for a girl, and surely enough she sees me as a friend. For some reason, even knowing that they will never amount to anything, I allow my feelings for her to develop and end up further entrenching myself in the “Friend Zone”. Sure the women involved have something to do with it. If they weren’t the amazingly smart, funny, beautiful women that they are I would never have fallen for them, but it isn’t their fault that I fell for them even if I know they have no similar feelings towards me. Despite my insight into the human mind (Woohoo! Go Cognitive Psychology!), I still end up over my head.

I hold no animosity for the women who have unknowingly (or perhaps knowingly in some cases) held me in their thrall. I did it to myself, and the “Friend Zone” isn’t the lowest level of hell as some would have us believe. The “Friend Zone” is a place where you can be friends with a wonderful woman even if there are some unrequited feelings involved. Sometimes, it is better being friends with them and wondering what might have been. Keeping it inside may lead to some painful moments as you watch them date someone else and get hurt, but if you truly know that your romantic feelings are in no way reciprocated it is better than telling her and hurting your friendship. I say this because if the feelings are not mutual, letting her know will make her feel uncomfortable around you 99% of the time.

Every once and a while, these feelings are just too strong to be contained and must be expressed, even if it does endanger the friendship. In this case, the slightest possibility that these feelings could lead to some more meaningful relationship can be worth the possibility that she will avoid you like the plague from then on. If this happens, accept it and move on. Once things are said, they cannot be taken back even if you wish it so. This sentiment is best expressed by Billy Joel in the song “And So It Goes”.

In summary, any of you who have read other “Nice Guy” or “Friend Zone” articles, please take them with a grain of salt. Few among them are true nice guys, and unfortunately most of them are manipulative bastards who see being “Nice” as a way to get into girls pants.

Ah . . . .what is the world coming to?