I guess there were two main reasons I didn’t post up anything in the past month. The first was because I was nearing my graduation, and I knew that anything I posted would end up being a sappy, teary-eyed, emotional goodbye to everyone (which this post will end up turning into anyway). I didn’t think I could handle that kind of goodbye or even really admit to myself that my college career was ending. I had a hard enough time saying goodbye to people, and I think I came off as a little cold and detached, but that was only because I was attempting to keep myself from breaking down. Last week was rough (and I’ll get into that more later).
The second reason I didn’t write a post recently has to do with my relationship status. Four days after my last blog post I started a relationship with an amazing woman (even as I write this I wonder what mental illness she is suffering from that makes her think I am in any way worthy of her affection) . . . and I think that I was afraid that if I wrote a post saying how happy I was, I would wake up and find that it had all been some elaborate dream. Or maybe I thought that if I wrote a post, the Almighty would let the other shoe drop and suckerpunch me in some new and creative way. As I once said to BJ, I am a romantic hypochondriac. I may put forward a happy and brave face, but for some reason I am always thinking things like - “Have I done something wrong? Is it going to end? What if I screw up?” . . . I hope for the best, but envision the worst, and I don’t know why. . .
Anyway, as I was cleaning my room so I would have space to unpack my junk, I found an old CD that a friend made when we were in a barbershop quartet back in high school. Not knowing what songs were on it or their order, I laughed, said “In Bob I trust”, and hit random. I was regaled with the following song:
Our song was a song of tomorrow
Our hearts were as high as the sky
But songs are forgotten and skies often grey
Nevertheless there is this I can say
From the first hello
To the last goodbye
It’s been awfully nice to know you
So excuse the parting sigh
And I’ll watch you go
With my head held high
You’ve been dear and sweet
A pleasure to meet
A special treat
Say I...
From the first hello
To the last goodbye
I hadn’t thought about that song since we sang it back in high school, but it fits my current mood perfectly. I know that I will probably see almost all of my friends again, but how many of my acquaintances are now things of the past? How many of the people that I met in college but didn’t get too close to are now just people I once knew? How many of my friends will move on to distant jobs never to be seen again? It is disheartening to think that Saturday May 5th was the last time I may see some of them, and I am not sure how I really feel about the idea. It is still sinking in right now.
As always, some quotes:
“It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.” – Henry Rollins
"Love is when the woman of your dreams becomes a reality and sleep stops being a priority."
"If I could spend every minute of every day with you I would. I think about you all the time. I think of you when I go to bed, and you're the first thing I think about when I wake up. I can't go through one day without wanting to see you, needing to see you. You're addictive, I don't get it ... what is it about you?"
