Insomnia Sucks

Ok, those of you who are reading this should be warned that I am running on empty at the moment and I will probably say some things that either don’t make sense or that I shouldn’t say. At the moment, I just don’t care.

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This first section is something I have been thinking about a lot lately – my spirituality. I can’t call it my religiosity, because I don’t follow any specific religion. I mean, if I absolutely had to subscribe to any one religion, I would have to choose to be a non-denominational Christian (ok, I know that even that isn’t truly choosing a religion, but it is as close as I can get).

I am not sure why I have been thinking about my spirituality lately. Maybe it is because I have actually sat in on a few religious ceremonies lately. Maybe it is because I have been hanging out with several highly religious people recently. Maybe it is just because once again I have reached a point in my life where I just don’t know what I should do.

Whatever the reason, I feel like I should explain my views on religion somewhere that people can read them. I will try to be as non-judgmental and honest as I can in this explanation.

1. I believe there is a God. I believe that this God is a benevolent being.

2. I believe that this God has revealed itself throughout the ages to any number of people in any number of ways. I believe that miracles described in Greek, Roman, Norse, and Egyptian mythologies probably actually have some foundation in truth. I believe that the Jewish/Christian/Muslim holy texts have at least some basis in fact. I believe Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and every other major religion in the world has some kind of connection to this same God. Miracles happen, and the only way to explain them is a God.

3. I believe that the idea of being religious and to worship God is a respectable and necessary thing in life.

4. I believe that the basic tenets of every major religion in the world are basically good. From the Ten Commandments to the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path, every major religion has some kind of foundation that is easily followed or understood by most people. Very few of these tenets conflict with the other religions. Heck, even “You shall have no other gods before Me” isn’t contradicted if you believe that all religions are just different ways to worship the same God.

I think those four basic beliefs are commonplace and respectable. Here is where I step away from most people. I don’t go as far as some people (Jesse Ventura) and claim that religion is a crutch for people. Far from it, religion has throughout history brought people together in ways nothing else has. No, I don’t believe that, but I do believe that religion is not universally good.

Established religion has been the basis for wars, discrimination, homicide, genocide, feuds, and hatred throughout the centuries. Arguments and conflicts between religious groups have caused more problems through the centuries than anything else I can think of. Blind faith leads people to do exceedingly foolish things.

It isn’t only disagreements between religions that cause problems. Misinterpretation of religious doctrines has lead to almost as many problems as the conflicts. It leads to irrational hatred of people who are different, terrorists blowing themselves up in order to kill “infidels”, witch hunts, inquisitions, and civil wars.

For these reasons, I, while being extremely spiritual, cannot bring myself to claim any specific religion as my own.

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Wow, I am proud of myself. I stayed on topic for much longer than I expected to.

This next section though. . . I am going to do a lot of rambling. I am not good at typing about my personal life really.

Looking back on the past year or so, I find that I haven’t changed at all. When I say I haven’t changed, I mean that I am finding myself in situations like I was last year at about this point.

I am like a man in quicksand. I feel myself sink down, and my hand finds itself on a branch, so I grab onto the branch and begin pulling with all my might. Unfortunately, the branch seems to always break and I find myself sinking right back into the quicksand.

Maybe I should just stop struggling against the quicksand. Maybe I should just let myself sink into the quicksand and accept my fate. I tried it once, but my timing was atrocious. Maybe I was supposed to grab the branch then and let myself and the quicksand adjust for a while until the branch broke. Well, the branch has broken. Should I surrender?

Looking at things from the perspective of Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy, I can say to myself, “What is the worst that can happen?” Honestly, the worst thing that could happen is getting shot down again. The thing is, I am used to that. It would just be another “Suckerpunch” from the big man upstairs. I’ve lost track of how many times that has happened over the years. It isn’t that bad really. I can laugh it off nowadays.

What else am I scared of? I can’t put it in words. I don’t really think there is anything holding me back. Maybe it is because I know I won’t be believed. I mean, I have said point blank how I feel countless times, but I don’t think it has ever really sunk in. Then again, disregarding one time, every time I have said how I feel, I have used my signature sarcastic tone or said it flippantly. Maybe I just need to be dead serious the next time I say it. It isn’t a joke, but I feel I sometimes have to joke about it to keep from exposing my feelings to people honestly. I need to stop doing it.

Alright, I am just going to let go. I am going to surrender myself to the quicksand. It is all in the hands of God now. I am going to trust that things will work out as they should.

. . . Oh, sleepless nights give one a lot to think about. As always, comments are welcome and encouraged. I like to know when friends are actually reading this and what they think about what I write. Now, as I like to do, here are some quotes:

The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief -
But the pain of grief
Is only a shadow
When compared with the pain
Of never risking love.
- Hilary Stanton Zunin

“Love is a special word, and I use it only when I mean it. You say the word too much and it becomes cheap.” – Ray Charles

“The most human thing we have to do in life is is to learn to speak our honest convictions and feelings and live with the consequences. This is the first requirement of love, and it makes us vulnerable to other people who may ridicule us. But our vulnerability is the only thing we can give to other people.” – Leo F. Buscaglia

Metaphors

There Person G, are you happy? I mentioned you. Now stop whining and bitching. (I just hope people H-Z don’t start bitching at me now.)

I have also had a request to mention how amazing Poopsie’s boobs are. Poopsie, you know who you are and how much everyone loves those perky little love-muffins. I mean really, any man whose mouth doesn’t water over those gazongas is no friend of mine. Ok, now to get my mind off of those luscious love puppies and back to the task at hand.

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Now for the main purpose of this post. I want to talk about metaphors. Everyone uses metaphors as part of their daily life. Hell, I used several when I was talking about Poopsie’s delicious funbags (whoops, there’s another one).

But that isn’t really the type of metaphor I mean with this post. No, this post is about the metaphors people use when they are talking about someone and they only want specific people to know who they are talking about. Sometimes these metaphors are silly and easily decoded. Other times they remain viable code words for many months.

Another interesting thing to look at when considering metaphors is where the metaphor itself came from. What is it about the word that fits the person or event that you are trying to talk about without talking about it? I know that personally it normally comes from some comment made offhand by myself or my coconspirators that makes some kind of humorous impact. It can be an offhand comment, or an away message the person has up that sticks with us. Whatever the source, I rarely use metaphors with no reason behind them.

Sitting here and writing about metaphors is making me think of all the metaphors I have used or heard in the past year or so. Let me see how many I can name.

Groceries, Bicycle, Brick, Oot, Canada, Mexico, Iraq, Switzerland, Teddy Bear, Frog, Toad, Economics, Explosion of Boobies! (the exclamation point is mandatory), The List, Noble Weasel, and finally, the funniest of them all, CD!!

These are just the ones I have used or heard (and can remember) from the past year or so. If I went back any further I could probably come up with any number of additional metaphors I have used. All in all, metaphors for me are a fun way to talk about people (not necessarily in a bad way, in fact, normally in a very good way) without most people knowing who I am talking about. They are fun and harmless. Isn’t that right Statler?

Well, that is all I have to say about those, here are some quotes of the moment as is traditional.

“When you stop putting yourself on the line, and you don't touch your own heart, how do you expect to touch other people?” – Tori Amos

“Without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

“Whether you call my heart affectionate, or you call it womanish: I confess, that to my misfortune, it is soft.” – Ovid

“It is the privilege of those who fear love to murder those who do not fear it!” – May Sarton

“Loving someone that doesn't love you is like reaching for a star. You know you'll never reach it, but you just got to keep trying.”

Poopsie is not a real person. Sure, I love looking at several different people's dirty pillows, but I would never single any of them out in a blog post.

Oy vey!

So, I was planning on writing a post about a Futurama episode that was on earlier this week, but unfortunately as I got about halfway through writing the post, I realized that it would be taken the wrong way.

The episode is one of the many involving Fry's unrequited love for Leela, and is my favorite Futurama episode of all time. As I got further and further into the writing of the post, I realized that people would assume I was talking about myself instead of the episode.

Person A would think I was writing about Person B. Person B would see it as either a post about themself or Person A. Person C would laugh at me and make jokes about how I was writing about Person A. Person D would assume it was about Person B. Person E is getting annoyed I am writing about all these random people, and Person F is pissed that I haven't mentioned them.

*Sigh* Sometimes I wish a ball could just be a ball, a tree could just be a tree, and the Washington Monument could just be a tall slender building.

So, rather than write a post about my love for a sappy episode of Futurama, I will just post up a couple of pictures I got of my cousin's baby girl. She's a cutie, but too bad her name is Savannah White.

Poor kid.




And now a quote or three:

“I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.” - Mitch Hedberg

“Don't go for the looks, it can be quite deceiving. Don't go for wealth, even that fades away - go for someone who makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day seem bright. Hope you find that person.” - Anonymous

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be” - Marcel Pagnol